As Americans in a foreign country, we are commonly introduced to new things. This week, I would like to propose a bisque (scintillating conversation for anyone who has been living under a rock…) about the French invention that’s caught on like wildfire across Europe, that is the bidet. To the untrained eye or the hardcore Francophobe, the bidet is that plumbing apparatus located adjacent to the toilet in many European bathrooms, not to be confused with water fountains. Perhaps a better name might be the anus tickler, buttbubbler, poop-purger, or colon cleanser. Regardless, the main function of this strange alien device is to facilitate the cleaning of the butthole post-poopdom. Firstly, I have a few quick questions about general etiquette in regard to usage of the bidet. If one is planning on using the bidet to clean off the crust/butt jam, is he/she still expected to wipe with regular T.P.? Also, after using the bidet, how is one supposed to dry off? So far I’ve just been using local hand and face towels… Now, as for other questions, and the main topic of debate I wanted to bring up, is it gay to use a bidet? Seriously, I don’t know if it’s my own insecurities or my overall level of immaturity–but in my opinion there’s something kind of gay about tickling your butthole with lukewarm water to get it clean. Wiping just seems way more American, way more manly, a liberty I would never want to jeopardize. Consider this question and feel free to write in with both comments and suggestions.
Luckily, the bidet has more than one use. Obviously, from the above photo, some jabroni thought it would be brotastic to fill a bidet with ice and beer and take a picture. Cheers to that asshole. Also, as someone else recalled, Crocodile Dundee washed his boots in one. So as we can see, the bidet is a multiuse appliance, but is it worth the space? That’s for you to decide.
As a past user of the so called bidet, I figured I would attempt to further my knowledge of the pleasures of "letting it rain down love." Upon further review, I've learned some fun facts. First, "bidet" is a French word for pony, which, as Wikipedia was nice enough to point out, is because "one rides a bidet much like one does a pony." Also, unfriendly users of the bidet oftentimes mistake this wonderful device for a urinal or even a drinking fountain. In reality, some people do use the bidet as a bath for their precious newborns. Finally, Mr. Rotten, the bidet is most thoroughly used by cleansing the anus, using one's hand and their preferred scented soap to scrub said area, and eventually rinsing. Usually, a towel is designated for finalizing this intricate, foreign, but ingenious process, leaving the buttocks literally as smooth as a baby's derriere. Although I may never admit it to one of them, I have to say, those French floozies have really got something going for themselves.
ReplyDeleteAfter traveling all across Europe, I became accustomed to using the Bidet. Even the British agree how wonderful it is.
ReplyDeleteUpon my return I instantly ordered one installed in my bathroom.
Toliet paper is harmful to the environment as well which just doesn't help its cause.
You wanna use TP first, then rinse thoroughly with water in the bidet, finally dry yourself with a designated towel.
ReplyDeleteJust TP will never get you that clean.