8.01.2009

We Are Not What You Think We Are

While Mika sounds like a bad version of the High School Musical cast, I have to thank him because his new single "We Are Golden" has been remixed by Calvin Harris and Don Diablo. I have a ton of respect for Don Diablo but I have to say that Calvin Harris takes the cake on this remix. Harris takes a corny British pop song and transforms it into something truly "golden". Here are both of the remixes but if you're only going to download one, go for Calvin.

"We Are Golden (Calvin Harris Remix)" - Mika

"We Are Golden (Don Diablo Remix)" - Mika

7.29.2009

Happy Birthday Tom Green

Today is Tom Green's birthday, which is definitely cause for a celebration/post. He's done so much ridiculous shit I don't even know where to begin. Everyone has seen Freddy Got Fingered, "The Bum Bum Song", his show, etc. Apparently he currently hosts an internet talk show called Tom Green's House Tonight...yikes. Unbeknownst to many, he was a member of a rap group called Organized Rhyme, and he actually has some decent rapping skills. Happy Birthday Gord!

Tom Green in Stealing Harvard, though he isn't acting:



Honorable Mention Birthdays: Henry Ford, Buddy Guy, Ahnald Schwarzenegger, Christopher Nolan, Markus Naslund, Kevin Pittsnogle, Laurence Fishburne.

Thunderstruck

I saw AC/DC last night at Gillette Stadium, home of the soon-to-be World Champion New England Patriots, and it was an absolutely amazing show. They didn't miss a beat, despite the fact that all the members are at least in their mid-50s. Brian Johnson sounds exactly the same and he's over 60.


Angus Young is fucking crazy. Here's a video showing part of his 20+ minute solo from last night. This video is far from doing it justice because it's somewhat poor quality; omits the part where he falls to the ground and plays while spinning around; captures only about a third of the solo; and doesn't include the end where he excellently parlays into the next song. If a better video surfaces soon, which will probably happen, I'll make sure to throw it up. Regardless:

Fuck tha Police!


I don't know how many people avidly read their town police log but I always have because my town's blotter is consistently chock-full of ridiculous entries. About a year ago a terrified woman called the cops to state she had just seen God sprinting through her backyard. The most ridiculous aspect of this story is I guarantee you that instead of consoling this obviously insane and probably elderly lady, my local police were most likely out there in the woods clutching flashlights and rosary beads and calling for God like he'd built a lean-to or something.

The Clash - Police & Thieves
Radiohead - Karma Police
Radiohead - Karma Police (Live)
The Police - So Lonely


Anyway, I was reading the police log a while ago and came across an item that is utterly outrageous. You may not care about my town's police escapades, but you should read this from a legal standpoint as a law abiding citizen or potential fowl hassler in the USA. Here is the entry verbatim:

"Thursday, July 9, 3:32 p.m.: a Nagog Square caller reported four youths chasing geese in the parking lot. Police spoke to the fowl hassling youths."

Let me first say that for anyone who's been living under a rock, "fowl hassling" is a new activity that's just been running rampant up here in the northeastern United States. You can also probably accurately imagine the kind of people that live in the part of my town called Nagog Square. They were probably making crafts out of twigs and sap and shit like that when they spotted said fowl hasslers. Anyway, I have several qualms with this particular story.

1. These kids were most likely in the middle of a workout. Anyone who's anyone knows that chicken chasing was an integral part of Rocky Balboa's training regimen when he came back to beat Apollo Creed in Rocky 2. Who could forget Stallone's kneeslapper: "I feel like a Kentucky Fried idiot?" But now Johnny Long Legs, Billy Elliot, and the Hardy boys won't make the high school basketball team and score all the chicks because Officer Choda decided their futures were less promising than those of the geese.


2. That brings me to my next point: the victims were Geese. I could see the fuzz maybe going in if the kids were throwing rocks at doves or something, but it was fucking geese. In terms of things I'd look out for the well-being of, Geese are just above Pigeons which are just above dirt, possibly below. Geese do three things: walk around, shit, and honk--the sum of which equals shit everywhere, reminiscence of Skeeter from Doug and an incredibly annoying sound. My Grandpa used to take me golfing and we'd chase after them in the carts. By the looks of things you'd probably end up in jail if you pulled that shit nowadays.

"Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?"



3. Said offense took place in a parking lot, not the road or any other dangerous place, and taxpayer money is being used to fund the disbandment of local fowl hasslers, who are doing a service to the community if anything.

4. A group of Geese is aptly called a gaggle. Larks are an ascension (or exaltation), lions are a pride, owls are a parliament, etc. These are worthy names. No one should ever intrude (safety reasons aside), on an exaltation, pride, or parliament. On the other hand, a gaggle sounds like some weird sex toy or a sound someone utters right before kicking the bucket.

An alternate gaggle:






5. Times are tough. The kids might have been chasing the geese in hopes of getting some food for later. Hell some dude in the same blotter got arrested for dumpster diving. I'm not really sure what that means.

Here's some music because writing this article without some free music at the end is like knitting someone a stocking for Christmas and then putting nothing in it. As N.W.A. put it, Fuck Tha Police.

N.W.A. - Straight Outta Compton (Album)

7.27.2009

Things I Love


The Pull-Through Parking Spot

So you've woken up in a daze after a night of drinking only to realize that you're needed at work in half an hour. After scrambling to get ready and grabbing a rancid breakfast bar on your way out the door, you run into bumper-to-bumper traffic due to none other than a bunch of rubberneckers (something I hate). As you try and sip your coffee, God throws a bump in the road (literally) and that tasty Colombian Ex-Lax burns the bejesus out of your tongue. Life could not get worse. You finally pull into the parking lot and your heart skips a beat. There is a pull-through parking spot that leaves your car in the first row next to the building. While you still have eight hours of an excruciating headache, due to your hangover and boredom, ahead of you, you know that at the end of the day you'll turn on your car and already be on your way home.

Epiphanies

One day, you're walking along the street, whistling your favorite tune, daydreaming about that hot mo...torcycle driving by, and it just hits you. The flip switches and the light bulb goes on. You all of a sudden know for a fact that God exists or that destiny is leading your way or any of those things that nobody actually knows for a fact. Nonetheless, you are absolutely positive and for the rest of the day (week, year?) you've got that shit-eating grin on your face. Of course, these epiphanies are rare. You've also got those amazing little discoveries in your mind that happen more frequently. You know what I'm talking about. You're itching your balls and all of a sudden remember the name of that actress who was in that movie you and your friends were talking about five days ago. Remember how pissed off you were that you couldn't remember her name? Remember how awesome it was when the name finally came to you? Yea, I love that.

Frankmusik

"Confusion Girl" is still the best song that's come out this summer. This one isn't bad either:

"Wrong Time, Wrong Place" - Frankmusik & Tinchy Stryder