Mr. Wang Hung: The Barcelona Naked Man

Every now and then one comes across something particularly entertaining. In Barcelona, where topless tanning on the beach is the norm, this past month I’ve come across a lot of gems. I’ve seen tits of every shape, size and ethnicity. I’ve experienced what they call the good, the bad, and even the ugly. One day on the beach we saw a human fembot with orangutan nipples that must have been literally about an inch and a half long. Another day, I saw what must have been a 90 year old women whose boobs literally touched her belly button. Apart from the freak nipples and super saggy boobs, I’ve also seen some dimes. However, in terms of drawing the attention of the eye, nothing compares to what I saw last week.

While leaving the beach one day, walking on the path back to the subway, I passed something that I couldn’t help but gawk at—an old man walking around completely naked. Not only was this guy completely naked, but he was all inked up. The guy, who we’ll call Mr. Wang Hung for the all intensive purposes of this post, had a wide array of tatts, including a pair of navy blue underpants, an FC Barcelona shield and some other strange shit. Perhaps most shocking of all though, is that the guy, who I must again stress is an old man, is hung like a stallion. No wonder he walks around naked. He must be as proud as a lion, literally.

To my dismay, I didn’t happen to have my camera with me, and thus was unable to take a picture of this out of the ordinary sight. Luckily for me, last night on the way to dinner, I passed the man again on the street and was able to get a few shots. In light of this by-chance sighting, there are a few topics of discussion that I want to pose for this week.

First of all, is it really that strange that this man chooses to walk around naked? While you and I are constrained in our daily lives by the restrictions of undergarments and other clothing, he is out there enjoying himself commando style, dangling his willy around as free as the whispering wind—and believe me, this guy could do the meat-spin like a frickin’ helicopter if he wanted, his dick hangs low, it wobbles to and fro’ he can tie it in a knot, he can tie it in a bow… which brings me to my next point. This guy should be proud. For a white guy, he has one of the biggest willys that I’ve ever seen. Maybe he’s just putting himself out there, advertising, you know? Him walking around the city naked with that huge dong out has got to be way more effective than using a website like match.com, the only thing he’s missing is a tattoo of his phone number so that women can contact him.

Some people might argue that it’s not practical to walk around naked. They might ask something like, “where does he keep his belongings, like wallet and cell phone?” But believe me, this guy has got everything he needs. He has a watch to tell time, and shoes and socks so that his feet don’t get dirty, and a small black plastic bag for everything else he needs. Pockets? Who fucking needs them. This guys got it down to a fuckin' T. Also, I should note that there are no laws against nudity in Barcelona, what this man is doing is completely legal. In some ways, Mr. Wang Hung, the Barcelona Naked Man, has become part of the city, a living, breathing, walking monument, and a testament to the liberal atmosphere of Barcelona. Mr. Wang Hung, I salute you and the life you choose to live.

1 comment:

  1. "intents and purposes"

    "Intensive purposes" doesn't even begin to make sense.