A Matter of Time

A Mattter of Time - Mike Posner & the Brain Trust

This mixtape is by no means new, and you've probably heard a couple tracks (Cooler Than Me) but every track is tight as fuck. Bump this shit, run this shit.

Health Warning

While I don't like to rant about shit, these goddamn "health" drinks have taken it too far. They started off slow, but they have managed to take advantage of the all-of-a-sudden ridiculously health-conscious American populace, maybe even the world, and they are infringing on the greats. I'm talking about those stupid fruity drinks that pretend to be all healthy so people go bananas over them up even though they taste like ass.

First off, these drinks aren't even that healthy. Odwalla (cool name!) ran into serious problems when health officials determined that a 1996 E.Coli outbreak resulted from Odwalla's decision not to pasteurize their juices. Along those lines, a different pathogen that is known to severely affect pregnant women was discovered in an Odwalla plant in 1995. Vitamin water--which everyone goes gaga over nowadays even though Glacéau literally took Gatorade bottles, dumped out half, and then filled the rest up with tap water--is one of the worst things around for your teeth. You might as well just dump sugar in your mouth before you go to bed every night.

But see, the companies employ marketing strategies that people somehow fall for. They give the drinks pompous, unpronouncacble names so that people think they are made from some obscure super-healthy fruit, made in Europe, are fun to drink, or they just buy them because it looks healthy and the name disorients their brain (i.e. Glacéau, Odwalla, Fuze, Nakéd, Jamba Juice, etc.).

Or, in a similar move, they simply stick the word "smart" or some healthy word like "vitamin" or "mineral" onto it (i.e. Smartwater, Vitaminwater, Soy Smart, Fruitwater, P<3m) so that soccer moms and yoga instructors everywhere will think "Oh! Well that sounds like a perfect juicie for before my morning workout!" Fuze made a drink called Slenderize so naive fat people would buy tons of it and put on even more weight. Glaceau even had the audacity to stick "smart" on the front of a product, outright copying the move made over 10 years earlier by one of the best snack foods known to man. It's fucking cheese flavored popcorn!


The worst part is that these drinks are taking over. Don't think so? Which drink did you see all over the sidelines at March Madness games last spring? Vitaminwater. Not Gatorade, or Powerade, or anything like that, it was Vitaminwater. I went into a gas station today to buy a Gatorade for work and had to search high and low for it because I was blinded by a fucking huge Vitaminwater display that was set up like the drinks were artifacts or something. I swear managers see how many colors they can collect and cram into their shop, like the asswipe pictured above who collected so many he thought he'd take a walk on the wild side to turn it into a car. What a doucher. From the looks of it, that store can really only be in Alabama, Louisiana, or maybe New Jersey.

She Moves Too Fast!

Amazing. Ejaculate (as a noun). Beautiful. Splended. Trippy. Surreal. Fuck Yes.