The Dude's Abode

Is This Gay Or Is This Fratty: Rugby

2011-01-13T20:13:00.011-05:00

Guardian : The rugby player Gareth Thomas has confirmed he is working with a writer on a film about his life which previous reports suggest could star the Oscar-nominated actor, Mickey Rourke. Rourke told Jonathan Ross he would like to play Thomas, who came out as gay in 2009, in a film.
Or: Every week Barstool U will feature a burning question that tortures the nation's future as they breeze through college: Is This Gay Or Is This Fratty?

LFrathard: Easy one here. Rubgy is queerer than a game of ookie cookie. You know who wore rugby shirts? Breckin Meyer's character in Road Trip. And that dude personifies a closeted douche who joins a team solely for the purpose of groping a man's balls without bearing the dicksqueezer label. You know why there's only been one movie about rugby that you've ever heard of? It's cause all the other ones are straight to Youjizz. If soccer is for queers than Rugby is for people who get arrested just because they want to discover what it's like to get your ass torched by Jamal at the look penitentiary. I thought rugby was gayer than a Village People themed mixer before I read about the Australian cocksmack who forced a dog to blow him. Now, I have no doubt that at least 10 percent of Rugby players are trapped in the closet with R. Kelly and Tom Cruise.

Rubgy? Uh, no thanks. I'm going to spend my Saturday sleeping in, ripping a bong, and watching SportsCenter. Then I'm going to get down with Tampico and vodka and blast Lil Wayne songs about making money. You have fun drinking at that pub drinking out of a dirty shoe while chanting about how you loved it when someones cleat accidentally reamed you during a grapple or whatever the fuck it's called. Fuck that frail shit.

Vote 10 if thinking about playing Rugby makes your anus bleed or 1 if Invictus made you want to run through a wall.

Here's an un-rugby like video of Wiz Khalifa (who's now sticking it to Amber Rose) being the man:

[Other potential topics: tweeting about how hard you're partying, Tapestries, communal showers, Justin Bieber (does he fuck chicks or not), listening to Miley Cyrus or Katy Perry at parties.]

Andray Blatche Fucking Sucks

2010-12-23T15:00:00.000-05:00

Andray Blatche has a wide open path to the hoop early on in last nights Wizards-Bulls game and promptly "does something Andray Blatche-y." That's French for crapping the bed and blowing a two-handed dunk. Blatche (3/14 on the night) was also whistled for one of three Washington technical fouls in the second half. Needless to say, the Wizards lost the game, which they were within two points in the final minute.

Blatche's quote: "After that layup, I knew it was going to be a long night -- and it was." Translation: "I was chillin' in Josh Howard'sEscalade listening to some Weezy before the game and I thought I could handle one more puff of that purple urkle. I was wrong." (Howard likes his herbal supplements.) Yeah, surrounding John Wall with Howard, Blatche, and Al Thornton (three notorious underachievers) was not a good move for anyone in D.C.

Blatche (who also got one of three technical fouls is, simply put, the worst player in the NBA to ever average 16.8 ppg and 7.7 rpg. Look at his eyes/demeanor/body language when he plays--there's something off. Or, as Jason Whitlock astutely pointed out during the Wizards choke-job last week against the Heat, Blatche is not the sharpest tool in the NBA's shed.

And really, what else would we expect from a man who's pumps Gilbert Arenas defecated in? What else would we expect from a man who wanted a triple-double so badly he begged Yi to let him get a rebound? What else would we expect from a man who solicited sex from an undercover cop? Nothing else. This has become Blatche's role: like Trinculo or Touchstone, Blatche has become one of the NBA's Shakesperian fools.

On the court, he's just as bumbling as he is off it. According to John Hollinger's PER stats (Insider only), Blatche is the 144th most efficient player in the NBA. For reference, J.J. Hickson and Drew Bledsoe are tied at 246. According to Hollinger's "Power Rankings," the 11-17 Philadelphia 76ers are better than the New York Knicks and the Orlando Magic. Sabermetrics have no place in the NBA. And Blatche's stats are as misleading as Hollinger's.

Curing Your Case of the Mondays

2010-09-27T16:05:00.004-04:00

I may be unemployed, but I'm not immune to a case of the Mondays. Low serotonin levels. Sore throat. Random bruises. Maybe a hickey or an unknown STD. The signs that generally define a weekend as a success or a failure. Or both. Either way, this video (part of a 3-part preview of DJ Russ Chimes' EP) featuring electrogasms by him, is the DJ's proverbial "what the fuck is up" to those that haven't heard of him. And at least you're having a better day than the bro in it...Although you definitely wish his chick was yours.

Yup...She could get it. That video is on some modern-day Othello shit right there. Old story, told in an innovative, dope way. Watch the rest.

Tunes to bro out to, blaze down to, or just nod your head incessantly:

This song could be called dreamlike, or just fucking awesome. This song will get you laid.

Paul-Shine Sweet Freedom

Fuck. Dance. Rock. Pick your poison.

Edward Maya ft. Alicia Stereo Love

Martin Solveig just does not mess around.

Martin Solveig featuring Dragonette - Hello (dank video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uUL8ELhnp8&feature=fvst)

My only regret about going to Electric Zoo day one? Missing this drop day two. Video dropping soon.

Duck Sauce - Barbara Streisand (Fare Soldi Edit)

The only way to cure the Mondays? Sack up, strap up, and let the good times roll. God I miss college.

I Get High?

2009-08-21T20:38:00.002-04:00

Stawberry Cough tastes mmm mmm good.

Okay I havent posted in mad long, the grind had me on lock down for awhile. Urrday im hustlin, nbd, naaamen. Anyway, I'm back and going to mainly post about music. I didn't think it was possible for a cover of this song to exist, succeed, and mix in an electro/dance vibe to it.

I Get High-Hostage : And I only smoke it if its purple or blue.

Oh Yeah (Booka Shade Remix) - Booka Shade is fucking too legit
If you don't recognize where this comes from, find a sharp metal object and sit on it. FERRIS!

P.S. The Red Sawx are a fuckin joke, sorry Shield.

Edwin Van Cleef

2009-08-12T22:07:00.004-04:00

Edwin Man Queef makes some good music. I have to say I like his remixes much more than his own original works because the latter all come off as a little too alike. Each original song seems comprised of a pretty basic, fast-paced intro and then gradual emergence of a chick repeatedly singing a simple phrase. Regardless, I enjoy listening to them. Here are some keepers:

ProCon - Delia (Edwin Van Cleef Remix)

Edwin Van Cleef - I Want You

Edwin Van Cleef - Lovin'

Edwin Van Cleef - Overtaken

DatA - Rapture (Edwin Van Cleef Remix)

Bat For Lashes - Daniel (Edwin Van Cleef Remix)

A Matter of Time

2009-08-05T12:19:00.002-04:00

A Mattter of Time - Mike Posner & the Brain Trust

This mixtape is by no means new, and you've probably heard a couple tracks (Cooler Than Me) but every track is tight as fuck. Bump this shit, run this shit.

Health Warning

2009-08-05T00:02:00.000-04:00

While I don't like to rant about shit, these goddamn "health" drinks have taken it too far. They started off slow, but they have managed to take advantage of the all-of-a-sudden ridiculously health-conscious American populace, maybe even the world, and they are infringing on the greats. I'm talking about those stupid fruity drinks that pretend to be all healthy so people go bananas over them up even though they taste like ass.

First off, these drinks aren't even that healthy. Odwalla (cool name!) ran into serious problems when health officials determined that a 1996 E.Coli outbreak resulted from Odwalla's decision not to pasteurize their juices. Along those lines, a different pathogen that is known to severely affect pregnant women was discovered in an Odwalla plant in 1995. Vitamin water--which everyone goes gaga over nowadays even though Glacéau literally took Gatorade bottles, dumped out half, and then filled the rest up with tap water--is one of the worst things around for your teeth. You might as well just dump sugar in your mouth before you go to bed every night.

But see, the companies employ marketing strategies that people somehow fall for. They give the drinks pompous, unpronouncacble names so that people think they are made from some obscure super-healthy fruit, made in Europe, are fun to drink, or they just buy them because it looks healthy and the name disorients their brain (i.e. Glacéau, Odwalla, Fuze, Nakéd, Jamba Juice, etc.).

Or, in a similar move, they simply stick the word "smart" or some healthy word like "vitamin" or "mineral" onto it (i.e. Smartwater, Vitaminwater, Soy Smart, Fruitwater, P<3m) so that soccer moms and yoga instructors everywhere will think "Oh! Well that sounds like a perfect juicie for before my morning workout!" Fuze made a drink called Slenderize so naive fat people would buy tons of it and put on even more weight. Glaceau even had the audacity to stick "smart" on the front of a product, outright copying the move made over 10 years earlier by one of the best snack foods known to man. It's fucking cheese flavored popcorn!

The worst part is that these drinks are taking over. Don't think so? Which drink did you see all over the sidelines at March Madness games last spring? Vitaminwater. Not Gatorade, or Powerade, or anything like that, it was Vitaminwater. I went into a gas station today to buy a Gatorade for work and had to search high and low for it because I was blinded by a fucking huge Vitaminwater display that was set up like the drinks were artifacts or something. I swear managers see how many colors they can collect and cram into their shop, like the asswipe pictured above who collected so many he thought he'd take a walk on the wild side to turn it into a car. What a doucher. From the looks of it, that store can really only be in Alabama, Louisiana, or maybe New Jersey.

She Moves Too Fast!

2009-08-02T17:20:00.003-04:00

Amazing. Ejaculate (as a noun). Beautiful. Splended. Trippy. Surreal. Fuck Yes.

We Are Not What You Think We Are

2009-08-01T16:45:00.004-04:00

While Mika sounds like a bad version of the High School Musical cast, I have to thank him because his new single "We Are Golden" has been remixed by Calvin Harris and Don Diablo. I have a ton of respect for Don Diablo but I have to say that Calvin Harris takes the cake on this remix. Harris takes a corny British pop song and transforms it into something truly "golden". Here are both of the remixes but if you're only going to download one, go for Calvin.

"We Are Golden (Calvin Harris Remix)" - Mika

"We Are Golden (Don Diablo Remix)" - Mika

Happy Birthday Tom Green

2009-07-29T22:02:00.012-04:00

Today is Tom Green's birthday, which is definitely cause for a celebration/post. He's done so much ridiculous shit I don't even know where to begin. Everyone has seen Freddy Got Fingered, "The Bum Bum Song", his show, etc. Apparently he currently hosts an internet talk show called Tom Green's House Tonight...yikes. Unbeknownst to many, he was a member of a rap group called Organized Rhyme, and he actually has some decent rapping skills. Happy Birthday Gord!

Tom Green in Stealing Harvard, though he isn't acting:

Honorable Mention Birthdays: Henry Ford, Buddy Guy, Ahnald Schwarzenegger, Christopher Nolan, Markus Naslund, Kevin Pittsnogle, Laurence Fishburne.

Thunderstruck

2009-07-29T21:30:00.006-04:00

I saw AC/DC last night at Gillette Stadium, home of the soon-to-be World Champion New England Patriots, and it was an absolutely amazing show. They didn't miss a beat, despite the fact that all the members are at least in their mid-50s. Brian Johnson sounds exactly the same and he's over 60.

Angus Young is fucking crazy. Here's a video showing part of his 20+ minute solo from last night. This video is far from doing it justice because it's somewhat poor quality; omits the part where he falls to the ground and plays while spinning around; captures only about a third of the solo; and doesn't include the end where he excellently parlays into the next song. If a better video surfaces soon, which will probably happen, I'll make sure to throw it up. Regardless:

Fuck tha Police!

2009-07-29T20:28:00.000-04:00

I don't know how many people avidly read their town police log but I always have because my town's blotter is consistently chock-full of ridiculous entries. About a year ago a terrified woman called the cops to state she had just seen God sprinting through her backyard. The most ridiculous aspect of this story is I guarantee you that instead of consoling this obviously insane and probably elderly lady, my local police were most likely out there in the woods clutching flashlights and rosary beads and calling for God like he'd built a lean-to or something.

The Clash - Police & Thieves
Radiohead - Karma Police
Radiohead - Karma Police (Live)
The Police - So Lonely

Anyway, I was reading the police log a while ago and came across an item that is utterly outrageous. You may not care about my town's police escapades, but you should read this from a legal standpoint as a law abiding citizen or potential fowl hassler in the USA. Here is the entry verbatim:

"Thursday, July 9, 3:32 p.m.: a Nagog Square caller reported four youths chasing geese in the parking lot. Police spoke to the fowl hassling youths."

Let me first say that for anyone who's been living under a rock, "fowl hassling" is a new activity that's just been running rampant up here in the northeastern United States. You can also probably accurately imagine the kind of people that live in the part of my town called Nagog Square. They were probably making crafts out of twigs and sap and shit like that when they spotted said fowl hasslers. Anyway, I have several qualms with this particular story.

1. These kids were most likely in the middle of a workout. Anyone who's anyone knows that chicken chasing was an integral part of Rocky Balboa's training regimen when he came back to beat Apollo Creed in Rocky 2. Who could forget Stallone's kneeslapper: "I feel like a Kentucky Fried idiot?" But now Johnny Long Legs, Billy Elliot, and the Hardy boys won't make the high school basketball team and score all the chicks because Officer Choda decided their futures were less promising than those of the geese.

2. That brings me to my next point: the victims were Geese. I could see the fuzz maybe going in if the kids were throwing rocks at doves or something, but it was fucking geese. In terms of things I'd look out for the well-being of, Geese are just above Pigeons which are just above dirt, possibly below. Geese do three things: walk around, shit, and honk--the sum of which equals shit everywhere, reminiscence of Skeeter from Doug and an incredibly annoying sound. My Grandpa used to take me golfing and we'd chase after them in the carts. By the looks of things you'd probably end up in jail if you pulled that shit nowadays.

"Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?"

3. Said offense took place in a parking lot, not the road or any other dangerous place, and taxpayer money is being used to fund the disbandment of local fowl hasslers, who are doing a service to the community if anything.

4. A group of Geese is aptly called a gaggle. Larks are an ascension (or exaltation), lions are a pride, owls are a parliament, etc. These are worthy names. No one should ever intrude (safety reasons aside), on an exaltation, pride, or parliament. On the other hand, a gaggle sounds like some weird sex toy or a sound someone utters right before kicking the bucket.

An alternate gaggle:

5. Times are tough. The kids might have been chasing the geese in hopes of getting some food for later. Hell some dude in the same blotter got arrested for dumpster diving. I'm not really sure what that means.

Here's some music because writing this article without some free music at the end is like knitting someone a stocking for Christmas and then putting nothing in it. As N.W.A. put it, Fuck Tha Police.

N.W.A. - Straight Outta Compton (Album)

Things I Love

2009-07-27T21:41:00.000-04:00

The Pull-Through Parking Spot

So you've woken up in a daze after a night of drinking only to realize that you're needed at work in half an hour. After scrambling to get ready and grabbing a rancid breakfast bar on your way out the door, you run into bumper-to-bumper traffic due to none other than a bunch of rubberneckers (something I hate). As you try and sip your coffee, God throws a bump in the road (literally) and that tasty Colombian Ex-Lax burns the bejesus out of your tongue. Life could not get worse. You finally pull into the parking lot and your heart skips a beat. There is a pull-through parking spot that leaves your car in the first row next to the building. While you still have eight hours of an excruciating headache, due to your hangover and boredom, ahead of you, you know that at the end of the day you'll turn on your car and already be on your way home.

Epiphanies

One day, you're walking along the street, whistling your favorite tune, daydreaming about that hot mo...torcycle driving by, and it just hits you. The flip switches and the light bulb goes on. You all of a sudden know for a fact that God exists or that destiny is leading your way or any of those things that nobody actually knows for a fact. Nonetheless, you are absolutely positive and for the rest of the day (week, year?) you've got that shit-eating grin on your face. Of course, these epiphanies are rare. You've also got those amazing little discoveries in your mind that happen more frequently. You know what I'm talking about. You're itching your balls and all of a sudden remember the name of that actress who was in that movie you and your friends were talking about five days ago. Remember how pissed off you were that you couldn't remember her name? Remember how awesome it was when the name finally came to you? Yea, I love that.

Frankmusik

"Confusion Girl" is still the best song that's come out this summer. This one isn't bad either:

"Wrong Time, Wrong Place" - Frankmusik & Tinchy Stryder

Blueprint 3

2009-07-24T10:42:00.003-04:00

First track off the Blueprint 3. Kanye may be a bitch and a sell out, but Jay has still got that ill flow and this track is pretty tight:

Run This Town-Jay Z Feat. Kanye West and Rihanna

"I love putting fish sticks in my mouth."

Most Everyone's Mad Here

2009-07-22T19:56:00.005-04:00

Mark your calendars. On March 5, 2010, Alice in Wonderland will be released in theaters. As it is likely the most psychedelic children's tale of all time, I'm thrilled that it will be available in IMAX 3D (stack up on supplies at your nearest Phish show). I'm also thrilled that it is directed by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, as it's one of the craziest kid's stories of all time. The story's a classic, the visuals look amazing, and the cast (even aside from Depp) is grade-A so remember...

Don't be late, for this very important date.

The Real LT Stands Up

2009-07-20T19:52:00.002-04:00

Apparently, former NFL stud and the greatest linebacker of all time could give two shits whether or not anyone in the NFL can touch his swag. The ex-freebaser told the radio station KLAC in LA that "I don’t really mess with football anymore. That’s an era of my life that has passed. A lot of the guys will sit there and live football. Every Sunday they’re glued to the t.v. watching football. I don’t watch football. I’d rather watch two people fuck"

This man is simply bad ass. Aside from Mike Tyson and Ray Lewis, there aren't too many guys I'd rather fuck wid.

The best there ever was:

That's G

2009-07-20T16:59:00.002-04:00

I love all things Gangster. I love all things Euro. This is both. Amen. Looks like it could be better than Public Enemies (although I hear that is not saying much)

*Additionally, I spoke too soon about the Erin Andrews video. The full four minute one is pretty awesome. As for all the theories about whether or not it was leaked...It seems like a pretty strange coincidence that it would be leaked a) just 3 days before the ESPY's b) by ESPN and c) months after it was shot. Seems unlikely that Andrews did not know about it. Regardless, keep doing whatever you're doing Erin.

Despicable Me

2009-07-20T00:42:00.004-04:00

Saw the trailer for this when I was at the theater earlier tonight. Looks just okay but the cast is fucking stacked so I'm gonna have to see it. It's got Steve Carrell, Ken Jeong, Jason Segel, Danny McBride, Will Arnett, Russell Brand, Jemaine Clement (Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords), and Mindy Kaling. Comes out about a year from now.

I'd Let Her Touch My Wand

2009-07-19T20:10:00.003-04:00

A few thoughts before I hit you with some jamz.

1. I caught HP6 on Friday, and had very mixed feelings about it. While it did not blow my mind, it was certainly one of the better films from the franchise and set up the finale very well. Not enough quiddich or Cho Chung for me. The real highlights of the film were Hermione and Ginny-babies got back. After hearing a friend recently rattle of Emma Watson's Wikipedia page (she's deciding between Trinity and Yale, fyi), I must agree that she has got it all going on.

2. The Erin Andrews peep hole video isn't that sweet. You can kind of tell it's her. You can kind of see her ass. She needs to enter the sex tape realm, preferably with someone like Visante Shiancboner or Julio "Batbag" Lugo*.

3. Good way to start off the second half of the season for the Yanks but a) the Tigers aren't that legit b) I still don't trust Joba and need to see him be consistent, and c) Hughes is the biggest reason for them being 17 games over .500. Without him, the Red Sox bullpen would shatter us.

*Lugo is known as "Batbag" in clubhouses because that's what is allegedly needed to conceal his schlong.

Fred Falke is the fucking truth. It's 8:08 P.M. on the beach somewhere.

When We're Together - Morjac & Fred Falke Feat. Sarah Tyler

Make You Mine - Miami Horror (Fred Falke Remix) (Right Click, Save As)

vVv

This video is to a remix of one of my favorite tunes. I don't really understand why whoever produced this video went in this direction, but I'm preeettyyy cool with it. Hot hot hot:

Blinded by the Dopeness.

Fixin To Thrill

2009-07-16T00:58:00.003-04:00

I usually wait to post music until I have at least a couple songs to toss up. That being said, I'm too excited by this recent find to wait. We haven't heard from Dragonette in a while. For those of you at Colgate, you definitely remember the many Dragonette jams we listened to over and over again this past fall. Some include "I Get Around", "Competition", and "Take It Like A Man". Needless to say, "Fixin To Thrill" is another banger coming off their upcoming album also titled Fixin To Thrill. The album is expected to be released in either August or September and, after hearing this song, I cannot wait to hear it.

"Fixin To Thrill" - Dragonette

Bryce Harper is a BEAST

2009-07-15T13:18:00.008-04:00

This kid is scary. Legit. He was on the cover of SI a few weeks ago, and I was fortunate enough to read about him. Essentially, he's been a mercenary little leaguer for over five years, getting free vacations to play baseball all over the country with and against older kids. He can play any position, throws in the mid 90s, and casually picks off runners from his knees. Instead of going to High School, the would be junior is going to play a year at a County College in his hometown of Las Vegas, and then be the first overall pick in the 2010 draft. Now batting 3rd for your 2020 New York Yankees, Pitcher, Catcher, and Short Stop: Bryce Harper (scroll to 3 minute mark to watch 500 foot BOMB):

I Smoked a Basilisk and I'll Smoke You Too

2009-07-15T13:18:00.005-04:00

HP6 premiered at Midnight last night (made 20 mill). It's getting unreal reviews and looks like it's going to be pretty ill from the clips I've seen. Kind of pissed I didn't go last night to see people dress up like the Hogwarts clan...But this is prrretttty gooood (got it from slashfilm):

Sloooooooooan

2009-07-15T11:32:00.004-04:00

I have found my soul mate. She's back on Entourage, and damn it feels good. She's Canadian, Jewish, and loves younger men. So maybe I made that last part up, but I want to marry Emmanuelle Chriqui (even her name is sexy and exotic). She's by far the best aspect of Entourage at this point, and is like a fine wine (yeah, she gets hotter with age, now 32). Turtle can have all the bubble baths in the world with Jamie-Lynn. Sloan is the Bomb.Com. Someone needs to figure this out and get her on the big screen in some legit roles. Emmanuelle Chriqui>Meghan Fox (looks and acting).

I liked Alexi Lalas more when he was on the green train:

Barton Fink Funks You Up

2009-07-14T15:25:00.003-04:00

"Nobody fucks with the Jesus." Nobody. John Turturro is one of my favorite actors. He's complete: knows how to play an absurd caricature (the Jesus), a smooth douchebag (Rounders), and a desperate scumbag (Miller's Crossing). He really has the uncanny to not only play any role, but play it well. And in perhaps his best role, Turturro transforms himself into one Barton Fink (which I finally just saw), a talented playwrite who goes to Hollywood to try his luck with screen writing. This Coen brother masterpiece was written in a short, three week span during which they suffered from writer's block attempting to write Miller's Crossing. The result: a masterpiece on par with the best of the Coen Brothers. The film is a dark, satirical, and brilliant look into both the depths of a man's mind and Hollywood (as it was back then). I like throwback flicks (particularly in today's blockbuster day and age), and this certainly fits the bill. It's the bdc, check it:

Oh yeah. Monk's in it too. And he's pretty damn funny.

LA CONFIDENTIAL

2009-07-14T14:53:00.002-04:00

Believe it or not, behind all the incredibly high weekend gross numbers that you see on rottentomatoes or moviefone or whatever, Hollywood is in a sad state. And you may not have known it by how well the movies are doing that are currently out. But behind the huge profit margins of Transformers 2 or Bruno or the ever-so-cute-and-funny romantic comedy, The Proposal, you will see the realistic truth. Hollywood is only making films that they absolutely know will make money. It's why there are so many sequels being made, it's why there are so many blockbuster, big budget, blow em up films being made. Because in the end, middle America and the South, will basically pay 12 dollars a ticket to go see anything where bombs explode and hot chicks show some cleavage (see Meghan Fox in Transformers 2). And this goes way beyond the recession in the economy and the lack of investors who usually help patron small, independent films. It has to do with marketing and the current, extremely outdated distribution system of Hollywood. Right now, a movie gets made and most often it premieres nationally, all across America. This is very much outdated. With companies like NetFlix, who have compiled research over the past decade to show that certain zip codes order certain certain movies, even certain genres, the future of Hollywood distribution is targeted, selective distribution. Within the next ten years, you'll start seeing movies only be released in certain movie theaters, in certain towns. This will bring a wave of criticism regarding racial profiling and stereotypes, but in the end, Hollywood will claim what every business does when it comes to marketing--1). everyone else does it, 2). numbers talk.

Let's be honest, Anne's Hathaway's recent independent film, Rachel Getting Married, a film about a rich, white girl who ends up becoming an alcoholic, a role that got her nominated for best supporting actress, wouldn't do as well in Newark, NJ as it might in Chatham, NJ. Just as Friday or everyone of their sequels would have done better in Newark, NJ than Chatham, NJ.

Thus, why even distribute the film to an area whose audience would prefer a different film? Why waste that money? With modern technology and the influx of Ondemand and various other at-home ordering/viewing capabilities, the people who may have wanted to watch Anne Hathaway slur over her wedding toast and the people who wanted to watch Chris Tucker and Ice Cube smoke weed, can do so with ease and not cost Hollywood production companies millions in distribution fees.

I for one can't wait for this to happen because a few more summers of shitty, over budget, under developed films like The Proposal, Transformers 2, and Terminator 3 as the only options at the theatre, and I may have to pick up a new hobby. Maybe cycling...

Things I Hate

2009-07-13T20:19:00.002-04:00

Cyclists

Ever since Lance Armstrong (more on him later) lost his right nut, cycling has become the thing to do. I'm sorry, I seem to have lost the memo that said dressing up like Richard Simmons, wearing yellow bracelets, and taking up half the road was what all the cool kids were doing. Maybe it'd be alright if you didn't pretentiously refer to your exercise as cycling. You're not racing through the French Alps. You're riding a fucking bike in middle of Main Street. I beg you to get off the roads. Sidewalks were made for a reason.

Twitter

What is this world coming to? I turn on SportsCenter to catch up on highlights and the next thing I know, Stuart Scott is reading Dwight Howard's latest "Tweet". Maybe I'm just turning into my parents thirty years too early by rejecting new technology, but what's the deal with Twitter? Why the fuck should I care what music Lance Armstrong is listening to? Go take some more steroids, win your bazillionth Tour de France, and shut the hell up. Yea, you say that Facebook's just as weird and creepy. False. I know the people I'm friends with on Facebook and might actually be interested in what they're doing. I could care less what John McCain (yes, he has a Twitter) is bitching about next. Andy Milonakis knows what's up.

Could You Get It Up For...

2009-07-13T18:03:00.002-04:00

MICHELLE WIE

Many blogs feature a question of the week or day. Here's what I've come up with. Female sports are pretty weak sauce all around. I'd rather lick my dog's anus (TASTY) then watch a WNBA game. But that's besides the point. The point is this: there are a lot of, shall I say, questionable women out there in the sports stratosphere. We'd all like to give it to Natalie Gulbis, obviously, but what about the other female athletes out there. The one's who, for all their athletic prowess, look, well, ordinary. This isn't a question of whether or not you'd go on a date with one of these athletes or if you'd marry her (for that chedda). The question is this: Could you get it up? aka Would you give it to this ay babay. First up: Michelle Wie.

Pros: Known for her light touch and gentle hands. Can handle clubs of all shapes and sizes. Has Asian roots. Inexperienced off the course (if you know what im sayin'). Knows how to get the ball in the hole. Long, long legs.

Cons: Has a nerdy lisp (who knows what this could transform to in the sack). Has Asian roots. Father keeps close watch of her. Very tall. Only 19 years old (will most likely be sober). Goes to Stanford.

I know my answer, but that's my dirty little secret. What do you think? Could you get it up for Michelle Wie?

Anthony Bourdain Is A Fucking OG

2009-07-13T15:00:00.004-04:00

And he smoked that Kush. Food, booze, sexual innuendo, and a little of that herb sprinkled in, Bourdain's show, and my fav! "No Reservations," has got The Full Monty, so to speak. One episode shows Bourdain gettin lit with the rastafarians of Jamaica. BAMBA CLAT! Another episode shows him eating sheep's testicles in Morocco. There is, however, one constant: this show is straight comedy. Bourdain is a major-league wise ass who has no qualms about tearing Rachel Ray a new asshole while chain smoking heaters on national TV. Bourdain puts a light, endearing spin on food, the world, and life. He doesn't try to pretend to be some high class D-Bag who knows more about food than you. This man recognizes the realness, and then keeps it real all the time. This isn't a show about cooking, dawg, this is a show about life. Tonight's season premiere kicks things off in Chile (on the Travel Channel at 10). Parental Discretion IS Advised:

"Whoa Hombre! That is twelve freakin' inches of floppy clown shoe right there!"

"Lloyd, your love of cock is a huge asset to this company."

2009-07-13T13:39:00.006-04:00

5 Quick Thoughts About Entourage's Season Premiere (if you didn't watch, peace the fuck out):

1. Last night's episode didn't blow my mind. However, in my burnt out state, the fact that it kept me awake was impressive. While the show certainly has its flaws (repetitive, Adrian Grenier can't act, etc.), it is still addicting as fuck. No matter what, you just find yourself saying, "damn, that looks aiiight, lemme get some of that shit." As in, I want to be rich, famous, in the sun, and in a hot tub with Jamie-Lynn Sigler.

2. The Lloyd subplot (becoming an agent) is a great move by the show's powers at be. Ari has always been the showstopper, the reason people really watch this show. And Lloyd has been one of the main reasons for this. Everyone loves a gay Chinese dude who dresses like Ralph Lauren. Big ups to Lloyd.

3. Not enough Ganja. Turtle is still Turtle. Coming from a lover of the leaf, the plant rules over pussy. No matter how good a ZJ Jamie-Lynn may give, one of the reasons people tune into this show is to watch Turtle ripping bongs with Bob Saget and acting like that friend that everyone has (you know, the one who asks too much questions, scares girls away, and always has that chronic...) Sound familiar? It's cool (although unrealistic) that Turtle's scorin big time, but don't ruin his character for the sake of some poonani. Please.

4. More Drama. Last night's episode didn't have enough Johnny Drama in it for me. Less Vince, more Drama. The show is called Entourage for a reason. It's magic is about the funny, quirky shit that goes on behind the scenes in Hollywood. We know Vince is gonna bang out chicks in cars and do whatever the fuck he wants. We never know what the fuck Johnny's going to say or do next.

5. Sloane is still a babe. Putting Sloane back into the mix is a power move. She's bonafied bangin, and adds a little bit of seriousness to the show. The message seems to be: is it possible to grow up in Hollywood. And I think this season is going to keep exploring that, to some extent, while hopefully keeping the laughter flowing with more of the above.

This song is fucking bangin':

Friendly Fires - Jump In the Pool (Thin White Duke Remix)

Classic Ari:

Shutter Island

2009-07-12T01:47:00.003-04:00

Scorsese. DiCaprio. Mark Ruffalo and Ben Kingsley. Filmed in Boston Harbor. Dope.

Tell me what you think--I feel like it has some potential.

Em's Still Got It

2009-07-10T19:06:00.005-04:00

Quick post. I just came across this video of Eminem freestyling on Tim Westwood's radio station in England. Fucking fire. Excluding the first verse, this is without a doubt one of the best live freestyles I've ever seen. Maybe the best. Make sure to watch the whole video because it really picks up from the beginning:

Good to see Eminem still has it.

Sleepyhead

2009-07-10T11:42:00.010-04:00

In recent years, I've had trouble falling asleep when I'm sober, and many of my colleagues and peers have intimated that they too have experienced this unfortunate phenomenon in their own lives . Frankly, I think that for many of us continually going to bed--whether that be on an actual mattress or somewhere else like the floor--drunk and high has rendered it difficult to fall asleep when sober. I don't know--maybe I'm stressed out, maybe that latex paint at work is getting to my head, maybe it's the soft mattress, midnight rape, or nude gay art show that took place in my room last night, but either way, I have my theory and I'm sticking to it. As such, I'm going to recommend some stuff that I think does the trick. Consider it a public service. Here goes, in no particular order:

1. Watch an episode of Bob Ross: The Joy of Painting. If you didn't watch the Joy of Painting growing up, you are a) in a minority and b) missed out on a special part of life. Though he's pretty fucking creepy and sports what looks like a giant collection of pubic hairs on his head, you have to love his show and it will for damn sure make you nod off. His DVDs are about $20 on eBay and feature such paintings as 'Reflections of Calm,' 'Before the Snowfall,' and 'Tranquility Cove.' Those titles alone are enough to make one pass out. Given the price, I would probably recommend this to someone who has serious problems falling asleep at night. R.I.P Bob Ross. Here's an excellent parody of the Joy of Painting to tide you over:

2. Find that friend of yours that is downright awful at telling stories and pick his brain for a while. You know you have that friend, everybody does, it's no big deal. They are an amazing friend, have things in common with you, etc., but they just flat out suck at telling stories. The subject matter might not even be that bad, but the delivery is off and you feel like finding a pillow and blanket halfway through.

3. Read anything by Jane Austen. Reading Jane Austen is just like eating cucumber sandwiches: high-class, pompous people go gaga over it; you know exactly what you're getting; and it's boring as hell. Go read the first line of the definition of a "traditional" cucumber sandwich on Wikipedia (as if hundreds of varieties have been invented since) and tell me some rich, pompous French dude didn't write that. I'll even include the link for you. Do it. Don't get me wrong, Jane Austen is a seriously talented writer, probably one of the best ever in terms of literary skill. But honestly, reading her books is one of the most boring activities (is that even an appropriate word?) I've ever come across in my life, right up there with staring at a wall, watching people play FIFA, or maybe sleeping itself. Peruse one of these babies and before you know it those riveting tales of early 19th century virgins and their love lives and miserable chores and dainty dinner parties and handkerchiefs and...you get the point.

4. Listen to classical music. I love classical music. There's no better time to listen to it then when you're going to bed or doing schoolwork. Here's an album I got this past winter off Drake's blog that I really like listening to as I hit the hay:

Gonzalez - Solo Piano

5. Watch a kickball game. And by kickball I mean that sport that everyone in the US loves all of a sudden because of this huge effort to become more European. Yeah, Europe's fucking awesome, soccer jerseys are cool, and the MLB sucks now, but that doesn't mean we have to go abandoning the great games our forefathers laid down for us. Stop pretending to love soccer so much, wearing European clothing, stuffing yourself with brie and pinot grigio, and go toss the pigskin around out in the backyard; it'll do you good. Shotgun a beer and grill a steak while you're at it.

6. Smoke weed.

Well those are just a few of the advantages one has at his or her disposable when it's time to get some shut-eye. If I think of any more dandies, I'll make another post, but this is it for now. Maybe you even fell asleep reading this.

p.s. Cucumber sandwiches reminded me of Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest (they frequently eat them in the play), which is one of the most hilarious plays I've ever read. It's a great work and I highly suggest picking it up.

Please feel free to leave any techniques you use in the comments section as I'm constantly looking for new ways to fall asleep. Have a great weekend. Peace!

I'd Touch These Movies

2009-07-09T16:23:00.003-04:00

Even in a shitty economy, people still go to the movies. Escapism and all that shit. There might not be as many being made, as my LA brotha tells me, but there's certainly enough to go around. There's a ton of tight movies that have been and are going to be coming out soon that I'm pumped to see (particularly Harry Potter 6 baaaby). Here are three trailers that look absolutely absurd, in all the right kind of ways.

Tarantino is simply a boss. I'm sure you've seen a trailer for this movie, Inglorious Basterds, but this one is waay more Euro (and fucking crazier). This is what Quentin's all about:

Anything that involves the killa combo of Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn is worthwhile in my book. Swingers and Made (if you don't know, figure it out and see them), are the fucking truth, and this movie definitely has some potential, at least for some good laughs. Cross between Along Came Polly and Knocked Up:

This looks fucking amazing, and looks like it could start a huge comeback? for Robin Williams. I've never gone crazy over his bizarre, different style of comedy, but he's certainly a talented actor and usually in pretty legit movies. This looks too legit to quit:

None of these are brand, brand new shit, but I had to do some catching up the past couple of days, and these are three of the more intriguing trailers I caught. Definitely got these three on the backburner. Will try to post more, shits been real busy lately. Hollaaaa.

Mr. Wang Hung: The Barcelona Naked Man

2009-07-07T20:52:00.011-04:00

Every now and then one comes across something particularly entertaining. In Barcelona, where topless tanning on the beach is the norm, this past month I’ve come across a lot of gems. I’ve seen tits of every shape, size and ethnicity. I’ve experienced what they call the good, the bad, and even the ugly. One day on the beach we saw a human fembot with orangutan nipples that must have been literally about an inch and a half long. Another day, I saw what must have been a 90 year old women whose boobs literally touched her belly button. Apart from the freak nipples and super saggy boobs, I’ve also seen some dimes. However, in terms of drawing the attention of the eye, nothing compares to what I saw last week.

While leaving the beach one day, walking on the path back to the subway, I passed something that I couldn’t help but gawk at—an old man walking around completely naked. Not only was this guy completely naked, but he was all inked up. The guy, who we’ll call Mr. Wang Hung for the all intensive purposes of this post, had a wide array of tatts, including a pair of navy blue underpants, an FC Barcelona shield and some other strange shit. Perhaps most shocking of all though, is that the guy, who I must again stress is an old man, is hung like a stallion. No wonder he walks around naked. He must be as proud as a lion, literally.

To my dismay, I didn’t happen to have my camera with me, and thus was unable to take a picture of this out of the ordinary sight. Luckily for me, last night on the way to dinner, I passed the man again on the street and was able to get a few shots. In light of this by-chance sighting, there are a few topics of discussion that I want to pose for this week.

First of all, is it really that strange that this man chooses to walk around naked? While you and I are constrained in our daily lives by the restrictions of undergarments and other clothing, he is out there enjoying himself commando style, dangling his willy around as free as the whispering wind—and believe me, this guy could do the meat-spin like a frickin’ helicopter if he wanted, his dick hangs low, it wobbles to and fro’ he can tie it in a knot, he can tie it in a bow… which brings me to my next point. This guy should be proud. For a white guy, he has one of the biggest willys that I’ve ever seen. Maybe he’s just putting himself out there, advertising, you know? Him walking around the city naked with that huge dong out has got to be way more effective than using a website like match.com, the only thing he’s missing is a tattoo of his phone number so that women can contact him.

Some people might argue that it’s not practical to walk around naked. They might ask something like, “where does he keep his belongings, like wallet and cell phone?” But believe me, this guy has got everything he needs. He has a watch to tell time, and shoes and socks so that his feet don’t get dirty, and a small black plastic bag for everything else he needs. Pockets? Who fucking needs them. This guys got it down to a fuckin' T. Also, I should note that there are no laws against nudity in Barcelona, what this man is doing is completely legal. In some ways, Mr. Wang Hung, the Barcelona Naked Man, has become part of the city, a living, breathing, walking monument, and a testament to the liberal atmosphere of Barcelona. Mr. Wang Hung, I salute you and the life you choose to live.

The Girl From Ipanema

2009-07-05T23:32:00.002-04:00

Hope everyone enjoyed themselves this weekend. The weather couldn't have been better to celebrate America's birthday. First off, just a couple thoughts on the current state of sports. As much as it pains me to say it, congratulations to Roger Federer. Today's Wimbledon match was one for the ages. Andy Roddick played his tail off and has nothing to be ashamed of (except for missing that backhand volley that would've put him up two sets to love). But seriously, great performances from both guys and, even though I was rooting for Randy the Rocket, we can now say that Roger is the best of all time. With Rafa hopefully coming back, the G.O.A.T., Andy Murray, and Roddick with his new-found game, I am certainly looking forward to the U.S. Open.

Don't look now, but the Yankees are currently on a tear. Ever since Girardi got thrown out in Atlanta, the Bombers have not stopped hitting. Even following a forgetful start from Joba today, the Yankees were able to pull out a 10-8 win. With the All Star break coming up, it certainly looks like AL East will come down to the wire come the end of September. Finally, I'd just like to say that Air McNair will be missed. We will never forget the drive to end Super Bowl XXXIV in which you almost took down the high-powered Rams, as well as the countless games you played when you probably should've been in the trainer's room.

Now just a little bit of Shinichi for you. I just found a mix that he made called "Sounds of Summer '09". This guy truly is an all around talent. I downloaded the mix expecting some fiery electro but instead found a soothing blend of guitar that would fit an afternoon on the beach perfectly. As the title alludes to, just think of a modern day version of "The Girl From Ipanema" that lasts for just over an hour.

"Sounds of Summer '09" - Shinichi Osawa

Also from Shinichi is a new remix. This song is what you'd expect from an Osawa electro song. Pure fire.

"Thief (Shinichi Osawa Remix) - Lost Valentinos

That Was Such a Samantha Thing To Sayyy!

2009-07-03T12:11:00.002-04:00

I figured I'd get away from the music for a while and get you guys pumped for some new movies coming out. I must say that I've been lacking on keeping up with the latest cinema. I still haven't seen Up, Whatever Works, or Public Enemies (I know it just came out, but still). I'm not at all interested in sitting through two and half hours of Michael Bay jizzing on his own face at "how AWESOME my special effects are!" The only movie of interest that I have seen this summer is The Hangover, and it did not disappoint in the least. Here are some upcoming films that I'm really excited about.

Bruno

I don't really have to say much to create hype about this movie. It's already everywhere. I mean, after you make a movie as successful as Borat, Baron Cohen could hide in a hole (hopefully one that gets filled with dirt) and Bruno would still be the highest grossing movie on its opening weekend. Make sure you see this on July 10 when it comes out so that you're the one ruining the best jokes and annoying the shit out of everyone by quoting the movie and not the other way around.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Coming out a week later than Bruno is the next installment of the Harry Potter series. Yes, I have read all seven books and yes, I was 19 when I read the last one. Maybe I'm a tool, but even if you think only Bruno would read Harry Potter as a grown man, you still need to see this movie. The sixth installment of the series, The Half-Blood Prince continues the trend of the movies getting darker and darker. This movie dives deep into the past of He Who Shall Not Be Named. You can't get too much darker than that, except maybe in the jungles of Congo. Nonetheless, this movie should be the tits and even if you don't like the story, just find some of that wizard grass and enjoy the stunning visuals.

Funny People

Coming out on July 31 is the third movie directed by Judd Apatow, the king of creating comedies in the 2000s, after The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up. Think of any movie that you've laughed at in the past five years and Judd Apatow has probably played some role in its coming to the screen. For Funny People, Apatow directed, produced, and wrote the movie, so it's all on him if it bombs. Lucky for him, Adam Sandler has supposedly put out his first legitimate comedic performance since Big Daddy. Mix Apatow and Sandler with Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and numerous others (even Eric Bana?), and we should be in for one of the funniest movies of the summer. The only thing that causes some concern is that Apatow describes this as a "very serious movie." Luckily he follows that up by saying that he's trying to make it "twice as funny as my other movies." Hey, even if it's barely as funny as his other movies, we're in for a treat.

Finally, I'll throw in some funny clips that I recently found on the web that I think are just too funny not to include in this post. First is some douche trying to give his speech as Best Man at his friends wedding. If you've ever been nervous about giving a speech, at first you'll sympathize with this guy. Then you'll realize that he's a complete ass who didn't think of anything beforehand to say. It's literally like someone pulled him off the street, threw a tux on him, and told him to toast some random dude's wedding.

This next video is some chick who's so hammered she falls over and nails her head on a dresser. Sounds lame but I guarantee you'll be laughing. These videos never get old.

EMBED-Drunk Girl Smashes Her Face - Watch more free videos

Best Party Ever?

2009-07-02T19:49:00.002-04:00

Just caught this link from http://coedmagazine.com . If you know whats up, August 9th and August 23rd are dates to keep in your head, because Simian Mobile Disco, Girl Talk, and my man Wiz Khalifa are the fucking truth. And, of course, it's free. And the Jew in me loves all things free.

Here's some Simian V. Justice to get you in the mood. Where's yoooouur heeead at:

Swish.

Best Celebration Ever!!!

2009-07-02T19:18:00.002-04:00

Michael Vick Style yo. This puts T.O. and Ocho Cinco's "celebrations" to shame. I would love to see an NFL team try this out next year. I think the most fitting example of this could be after a touchdown by say, Wes Welker, Randy Moss got behind him and threw a little thrust action his way. Not only would this scene be a great re-enactment of what occurs daily in jails across the nation, but would also prove that, yes, everyone *male or female) in Boston takes it in the butt.

Lots of Pussies Whistlin'

2009-07-02T13:39:00.004-04:00

Rising star Drizzy Drake just drops it like its hawt in this fresh video. This music video is essentially a modern, thugged out adaptation of A League of Their Own. And Drake probably flicked a few more of these classy ladies' beans than Tom Hanks did. The noice tittays bouncin up and down and the cheesy interludes make for one of the hotter and better music videos of recent memory. Kobe would certainly give Drake daps on this one, and sure as shit wouldn't mind teaching these chicas a few stretches of his own. You know, the one called smydorgetthefuckout.

Shout out to the thrilla SMilla for this one.

The Spawn of Renaldo Frye

2009-06-30T19:53:00.002-04:00

I'm Jordan Hill Bitch!

Meet Jordan Hill (middle). Jordan Hill is your newest New York Knick. He also looks like what would happen if former Knick first round picks Renaldo Balkman and Channing Frye re-enacted a scene from Brokeback Mountain. Hopefully, Hill's career will turn out a little better than these two legendary Knicks. Morelikely he'll go the Balkman rout and decide he'd like to spend more time with Sour Diesel and Mr. Grey Goose than in the paint with Dwight Howard. Or he could Frye it up and think more about what his next blog post should be rather than trying to get a rebound. The Knicks have drafted a man with the same barber as Renaldo Balkman, and a man with the same pedigree as the great Channing Frye (also the Knicks' last number 8 pick). The best big man to ever come from Arizona: Sean Rooks. Nice. So while the Knicks may have, for now, failed to land the floppy haired wunderkind from Spain, Hill certainly ups the amount of ink in their locker room (watch out Wilson Chandler), adds a guy that has the same haircut as Rick James, and probably had a tough time beating Robert Dozier's SAT scores. While cautiously optimistic that he can play in the NBA, Hill may end up to be the next Amare Stoudemire--or (more likely) the next Renaldo Frye.

He must not succumb to his weaknesses:

"A player in the mold of Channing Frye -- one not highly recruited out of high school, but has shown tremendous ability" -(Arizona Athletics Player Bio)

"While he has made strides with his maturity, there are still periods of lackadaisical play that he goes through. A part of the problem could be his hands, often times he doesn’t catch the ball clean" -NBADRaft.net

"Weaknesses: Decision Making, Average Basketball IQ, Questionable Hands, Older than class peers." -DraftExpress

At least we have Danillo "The Camel" Gallinari.

Relax, my fellow Knick fans, I'm sure Hill has a little more flow than Stephen Curry:

Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

2009-06-29T23:27:00.003-04:00

So while everyone's been bombarded with news about Michael Jackson's death the past couple days, and our good friend Larry has already provided some tracks dedicated to our favorite moonwalker, a little more of the King can't hurt anyone.

The internet is filled with remixes of MJ's songs but I found some real "thrillers" for you. The first comes from Cookin' Soul. I've never actually heard of them before but they remixed some of Jackson's songs with an A-list group of rappers. You've got Biggie, 2Pac, Jay-Z, Nas, Lil Wayne, Kid Cudi, Ludacris, Eminem, and 50 Cent. Not a bad list of MCs to mix with one of the greatest artists of all time. I'll post two links for this. The first is one where you can download the whole mixtape. If you only want a couple tracks, the second link has a download of the Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, B.I.G, and Cudi tracks.

Full Mixtape - Tribute to the King of Pop

Selected Tracks - Tribute to the King of Pop

If that wasn't enough for you, I've also got a song that Don Diablo made in tribute to Michael. Remember "Confusion Girl"? That was Diablo. Here's what he had to say about the song and Jackson. I couldn't say it better myself:

“What better way to pay tribute to MJ than music? I’ve been asked by press a lot today to comment on MJ’s untimely death, but what do you say without sounding cliche. MJ was not a man of many words, he spoke through his music. In short, I decided to make a song, rather than making any comments. Music is and always will be the best way to express a feeling without using words. Rest in peace MJ, I hope you are moonwalkin’ in heaven now.” - Don Diablo

Here's the track:

"Song for MJ (Remember the Time)" - Don Diablo

Rest in peace, Michael, knowing that you were certainly successful: "And my goal in life is to give to the world what I was lucky to receive: the ecstasy of divine union through my music and my dance." - Michael Jackson

"But Dad, This is the BEST Part"

2009-06-28T19:24:00.008-04:00

I remember when I was about five years old, and I turned on MTV and first saw the video of Black or White by Michael Jackson. It was a magical moment for me, perhaps the first time I had an emotional experience with music. Man, I wanted to be that kid (Macauly Culkin) in the video, dancing and getting down with Michael Jackson. I wanted to shake what my momma gave me in the Sahara. I wanted to transform into a Black Panther. CHAMOOONA. Ten years later, I was embarassed to be a fan of his, and that is probably why I went the route of the rap scene, attending SummerJams, validating my heterosexuality in the face of the MJ Trauma. In the past few years, I've come to realize (again) that his music is in fact quite magical, and great to party to. And while I don't condone his touching fetish, I dig on his groove more than ever. So, in the wake of his demise or rebirth?), I've sifted through the buckets of shit posted on the internet blogs the past week and found the best remixes that do the King Of Pop(pin little boy's buttholes):

I WANT YOU BACK-READYMADE 524 Remix by Yasuharu Konishi (right click, save)
This is the fucking tittays. The BDC. I finally found it. Enjoy...

SCREAM- Classic Club Mix (right click, save)

THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL-Extended Dance Version (right click, save)

Daft Punk vs. MJ- Rock with You

MJ vs. Bag Raiders-You Are Not Alone (right click, save)
Shooting Stars and The Thrilla...count it...

Rock My World-MJ and Jay Z (right click, save, and nut yourself)

Parody of Black or White...Good Shit:

"I play with little animals and hang out with Macauly all night."

Long live the toucher of all things under the age of 12.

From Origami to the Moonwalk in the Moonlight

2009-06-28T18:52:00.000-04:00

Dating back hundreds of years, the Japanese have always been a master of crafts. Now, however, instead of delicately folding paper into cranes, the Japanese have turned to the music world. One Shinichi Osawa has turned heads around the world with his scintillating house grooves.

I was lucky enough to catch Mr. Osawa in concert this past week as he opened for Fatboy Slim at Terminal 5 in New York. He not only didn't disappoint, he far exceeded my expectations. Fatboy was left looking Slim as Shinichi blew him away. Fatboy Slim rested on his laurels, using a mostly prerecorded performance and some over the top fist pumping to try and please the crowd. Osawa, however, was busy mixing his music throughout the hour-plus that he played. He would mix for five minutes, slowly building to the peak, rarely looking up as he concentrated, and then he would release the tension for the excited crowd. After quickly throwing his hands in the air to celebrate the surreal beat he had just created, he would grab a swig of his Sam Adams and get back to work.

The only slight disappointment was that he left out almost all of the songs that people knew. No "Perfect Vision." No "Main Street Electrical Parade." No "Dreamhunt" or "Detonator." No complaints, however, as I thought it was amazing that of all of the songs that I have come to love Shinichi through, the only one he played was "Pogo" and I still thought the show was unbelievable. Here's a link to download "Pogo," as well as two other dope songs. I realize that this is an old song and you've probably heard it, but take a second listen...and then a third. It's worth it:

"Pogo (Shinichi Osawa Remix) - Digitalism

In other music news, Phish will be playing a three day festival for Halloween! Another cool announcement through Phish.com on Friday, the band will be throwing on their musical costume for some extended sets in what is speculated to be Indio, California, the site of the Coachella festival.

Halloween has always been a special day for Phish as they don their costumes in the form of music by covering full albums of other bands. They have played The White Album, The Who's Quadrophenia, Velvet Underground's Loaded, and Talking Head's Remain in Light. You also can't forget 1998 when they covered Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon just two days after the Halloween show where they played Loaded.

While you have to expect the unexpected with Phish, one can't help but find it interesting that they announced this the day after Michael Jackson died. Fans had always been hoping for them to cover his Thriller album and this could be the year. No matter what, this will be a weekend to remember and I will do everything I can to be there. Anyone who wants to join is more than welcome. Here's a video of GRAB (Trey and Mike Gordon with the Benevento Russo duo) playing "Billie Jean." Could be quite the dance party under the stars of SoCal with the kings of the jam band scene covering the King of Pop with some questionable substances and costumes to aid in the process:

Wu-Tang is for the children!

2009-06-27T11:21:00.023-04:00

So Wu-Tang's newest album, Wu-Tang Chamber Music, is due out in a few days (June 30) and I'm actually pretty excited about it. I thought 8 Diagrams was a pretty good album and I think this one will be too. It's produced by RZA, which is always a good sign, and it features some veteran guests like AZ, Masta Ace, and Havoc from Mobb Deep, among others. I checked out a new leak off it today, "Radiant Jewels," and I really liked it. This dude I've never heard of Cormega kills it on that song. I don't think GZA is featured on any of the songs, though, which is is disappointing. Anyway, I'm pretty excited about it and here's the song I just spoke of:

Radiant Jewels - Wu-Tang Clan (Ft. Raekwon, Cormega, & Sean Price)

On a side note, it's kind of surprising me that more and more people tell me they've never even heard of Wu-Tang's video game, Shaolin Style. If you still own a PS2 or even an original Playstation, buy it off ebay for like 4 or 5 bucks. It's a fucking sick game, trust me.

Movin on yo' left, HA!

Also this shit never gets old:

Draft Recap

2009-06-26T10:43:00.017-04:00

Here are some thoughts from the NBA Draft:

1. Let's be honest. Hasheem Thabeet was a terrible pick. Almost as bad as Darko Milicic (more to come) a few years back. For anyone who watched the draft last night, Jay Bilas's description of Thabeet as a player who "has to get strong.. and has to refine his offensive skills." How can a team actually take a player # 2 overall who is not game-ready? Thabeet will be a good defensive player, maybe averaging a few blocks per game and a few boards, but this man is a homeless-man's version of Sam Bowie or Michael Olowakandi, whose name "I want candy" is perhaps the only positive associated with him.

2. The Seattle Supersonics - www.nba.com/sonics - blew their chances at being the most exciting team n the league hands down. The Spurs added Richard Jefferson to an already explosive lineup, the Magic added Vince with Dwight, and the Cavs picked-up a fellow named Shaq O'Neil to team up with the King. But in terms of potential, age and excitement a team of Rubio, Westbrook, Durant, and Jeff Green would be tantalizing to watch. Imagine last year's Blazers on steroids. Sorry Welles, your team really fumbled this one.

3. T-Wolves drafting 5 guards, and trading one. A backcourt of Rubio and Johnny Flynn will be a disaster. You have an 18 year old European and a 5"11 thug from Syracuse NY who had one good game (whose Stats were inflated as it was a 6 OT game). Good luck coach, whoever you may be. The best thing Johnny Flynn did was refer to himself in 3rd person. We couldn't stop laughing when he said that he doesn't compare himself to any current NBA'ers but rather Johnny Flynn has to be Johnny Flynn.

4. I think as a collective unit three of us let out 60 f-bombs once the Warriors picked the savior Stephen Curry right before the Knicks who were left with another under-sized Power Forward. Curry is going to be a stud. Hopefully he'll start rolling with a new entourage than he did in college: I love College (Davidson University)

5. The similarity between the Minnesota Twins and the Indiana Pacers? They both love white guys. A Pacers lineup of Troy Murphy (from Delbarton), Jeff Foster, Mike Dunleavy and recent pick Tyler Hansbrough is as white as paper. All they are missing is Welles Wiley. Race and Sports

6. This draft absolutely was awful the rest of the way. None of these guys will be good players, let alone all-stars and most won't even crack a starting lineup. 10 of the first 21 picks were point guards alone, most of whom will be out of the league in the next few years.

7. The best picks of the night were Eric Maynor to Utah in the first round and DeJuan Blair - the next Big Baby Davis - to San Antonio (who is on its way to a Championship).

Overall, this draft was one of the worst ever. Too many foreign players. Too many player I've never heard of. Too many garbage players. Rather, this trade will be remembered for its trades.

The best of which was Quentin Richardson for Darko Milicic. You gotta love Donnie Walsh. I just put this item up on Ebay, feel free to bid! Here

Twitter

2009-06-25T17:49:00.005-04:00

Before I continue with my NFL power rankings, let me just state how much I hate Twitter. I hope no one disagrees with me about this. Seriously though, someone should hack into Twitter's mainframe and just delete it forever. Virus the shit out of that thing. I log online today to gather some new sports news and I immediately see that Lendale White and Chris Johnson are in a light feud over some stupid shit regarding their mutual nickname ("Smash and Dash") because of something Johnson "tweeted" (don't ever let me allow that term to leave those quotation marks). Yeah, it's probably all in jest and the media is surely overreacting but it calls to mind Charlie Villanueva's use of Twitter at halftime of an NBA game. Message to Pro Athletes from someone with little athletic prowess but who does have some common sense: Stop fucking twittering.

I was just as dismayed to read in the article, which I'll include a link to at the end of the post, that "[Lendale] White isn't one to back to back down, so he dared Johnson to unveil a new touchdown celebration." What? Did I misread that? So an NFL player dared a feuding teammate to do a new dance as a means of getting even? How about running him over in practice or better yet, in a move that actually might help the organization and team itself, challenge him to something that actually has to do with playing so that a healthy competition can develop and better both players? Shit makes me sick. I would love to hear Mike Singletary's comments were something like this to happen on the 49ers. Johnson and White remain two of my favorite players to watch, though, and I clearly still think the Titans will be an elite team this year.

http://www.nfl.com/news/story?id=09000d5d810fb441&template=without-video-with-comments&confirm=true

From Origami to the Moonwalk in the Moonlight

2009-06-25T17:17:00.005-04:00

Second Round Sleepas

2009-06-24T21:28:00.007-04:00

These guys are not as big as Shaq, studly as Nick Nolte, nor are they Blue Chippers. But these are the ballers who have the potential to rise from the heap of shit that is this year's NBA draft and become this year's Agent Zero (second round steals). Without further ado, these guys are almost as sleepy as Sleepy Flloyd:

1) AJ Price AkA The Macrook Pro: His arrival to your locker room may prompt a boost in security (damn I'm original), but it also will add an immediate boost to your squad's three point shooting, along with some real quick hands. Price is one of the more seasoned guards at the draft, at 22 years old, and he showed in the Big East and NCAA tournaments that he raises his game when it matters most against the best competition. He's a gamer, and he also has the pedigree (his father took Penn to the Final Four and was briefly in the NBA). Is there really a 35-40 player gap between Price and Ty Lawson? Jrue Holiday? The guy was the best player on one of the best teams in the nation, and showed legit NBA range. He was flat out making it rain at times this season while showing the ability to distribute the ball. The Price is right, and whoever nabs him in the second round has a quality point guard who can contribute immediately.

2) Dionte Christmas aKa Dionte Claus (sequele to Fred): Another underrated, veteran guard. See a trend here? Potential is sexy, yes. But who would you rather spend a night in a Red Roof Inn with right now: Myley Cyrus or Meghan Fox? Myley Cyrus, like the J-Rue Holidays and Brandon Jennings of the world, could transform her cutie thang and become a straight up bombshell in a couple years. Or she could start hanging out with Lindsay Lohan and find herself getting to know Tony Montana pretty well. Guys like Jennings and Holliday may very well become All Stars, or they will more likely be lured into the ludacris NBA lifestyle and start chillin with Mr. Grey Goose and that Cranberry Juice. While the young guns will light up Dutchmasters, Christmas can light up a scoreboard with the best of them. He played in the A-10 for Temple and was one of the best scorers in the country for the past three years. Just because he wasn't a big name, McDonald's All American doesn't mean he doesn't belong in the NBA. Are guys like Austin Daye and Nick Calathes really going to be better players than him? Doubtful. Talent and youth are quite alluring, but usually the subtle and solid guys do more damage.

3) Dante Cunningham AkA Dante Cunnilinguist: At a lengthy (long ass arms) 6'8", this schmohawk is big enough to defend most powerfards in the NBA, and quick enough to beat them in the post or off the dribble. Simply put, he is a much better basketball player than Hasheem Thabeet, for instance. He is an excellent rebounder, very solid passer, knows how to play the game, and puts the ball in the net more often than not. Will Cunningham make an All Star game? Probably not. But if guys like Carl Landry and Ryan Gomes can make it in the NBA, why can't Cunningham? He's played in the best conference for the past four years and always played well in the tourney. This guy is just a rock solid player who shows up to play every night. Someone will dig up some gold or some cumontheirhands with this pick.

*I also like Jodie Meeks, Patrick Mills, and Josh Heytvelt as second round quality picks*

Man, Sportscenter used to be so ill (sigh):

Early NFL Preview

2009-06-24T13:30:00.014-04:00

Okay, so I know it's early, but I personally can't wait for the NFL season to get underway. As such, I'm going to do an early power ranking by conference. When the season gets closer and everything gets ironed out, I'll do a league-wide version. Please leave comments if you agree or disagree with anything I have to say; I'd be happy to argue these with anybody.

AFC 1-5:

1. New England Patriots: This isn't a biased choice. This team went 11-5 with a guy who hadn't started a game since high school and now have the best player in the league back. Welker and Moss have now had two full seasons to learn the offense, and their performances in their 1st years within the offense says enough. Veteran Joey Galloway adds another long-ball element that will complement Moss well. He had a down year last year (from 1,000 yards a season before) but it was on the fucking Bucs. Look for TE Alex Smith to have a breakout season. The Pats also bolstered the O'line by drafting four offensive linemen, two of whom could make an immediate impact. The signing of veteran Fred Taylor is perfect for a running back corps in need of guidance. Faulk and Morris should remain on the roster.

Rookie Brandon Tate adds a promising dimension to the special teams unit after the departure of return-man Ellis Hobbs. The D'line is still one of the best in the league and Wilfork's contract issues are less worrisome with the drafting of Ron Brace. An already strong (but aging) linebacking corps of Thomas, Bruschi, and Mayo will only get better with the acquisition of Paris Lenon, who had more tackles than Ernie Sims last year on the God-awful Lions. At least Lenon got plenty of action being on that defense last season. The secondary is the only concern for me, but the mix of Merriweather and some fresh draft prospects could be the answer along with the guidance of veteran Shawn Springs and Belichick's defensive schemes.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers: Returning Super Bowl champs have to be high on your list. Losing Larry Foote and some of the secondary will hurt only slightly; this team's defense is still terrifying. Harrison, Farrior, Timmons, and Woodley resemble the Steel Curtain of lore. They even have Donovan Woods. DONOVAN WOODS! They also have solid cornerbacks and one of the best safeties in the league in Polamalu. The offense is pretty much the same. Roethlisberger has clearly proven himself as a capable passer and the receiving corps is excellent. Ward signed a fresh contract, Holmes showed what he can do in last season's Super Bowl, and they have three promising receivers vying for the third spot. I think Sweed will win it and have a pretty solid season. Heath Miller is legit at TE. Fast Willie Parker had a down year but a healthy, nasty Rashard Meandenhall is going to significantly bolster the RB corps. They do need to address the O'line but it shouldn't be a problem. This team hasn't changed much and that's a good thing--they didn't need to. They will clearly be a contender in 2009.

3. San Diego Chargers: As much as I hate the Chargers, I have to say I think they are going to have a great season. Firstly, they play in one of the shittiest divisions in the league, especially now that (as Larry noted) McDaniels is ruining what Shanahan built. They do actually face some pretty tough opponents out of the division, though. Philip Rivers is somehow one of the best quarterbacks in the league, and they kept both Tomlinson and Sproles. The receiving corps could still use some work; Jackson and Chambers are not a legit 1-2 punch. Buster Davis could have a breakout season though after an injury last year and they still have Antonio Gates. They also boast one of the best offensive lines in the league, highlighted by Marcus McNeill and Kris Dielman. The defense is strong, too. A healthy Shawn Merriman is never good for opponents, and the selection of LB Larry English with the 16th pick will add depth to the LB unit. I like the secondary, especially with Antonio Cromartie, arguably the most athletic player in the league, still back there. Plus the D-Line retains Castillo and Williams. Watch for 4th round pick DT Vaughn Martin from Western Ontario--this guy could end up being a stud. I really think this team is legit. Don't forget their late playoff run and 11 point loss to the Super Bowl champs.

4. Tennesee Titans: I'm still not sure about this team. The Kerry Collins storyline is cool and all those people that always come out of the woodwork to root for the old guys when they do well late in their careers love it. I can't stand those people. Root for someone their whole career, will you? Anyway, this team is still a serious threat. Defensively, I think people are getting their panties in way too big of a twist about the Haynesworth loss. Yes, he's amazing and was a key piece of that D'line, but don't forget about team captain Kyle Vanden Bosch, who had 12 sacks in 2007 and managed 4.5 last year in 10 games. They also addressed the D'line in the draft. They linebacking corps is primarily unproven youngsters but that shouldn't be anything Keith Bulluck can't fix. I think their secondary is the best in the league with Hope, Finnegan, Griffin and Harper (just imagine if Pac-man had worked out). Will Donnie Nickey start another fight in training camp this year? Offensively, they're set. Johnson and White (don't ever let me refer to them as Thunder and Lightning) might be the best tandem in the league and they run behind a good line. I love watching Johnson.

They also finally addressed the receiving corps, which has always needed work, when they drafted Kenny Britt with their 1st round pick and signed Nate Washington, who I think will do far better here than in Pittsburgh. Justin Gage should have an excellent season. Bo Scaife and Alge "The Butt" Crumpler actually form a formidable TE duo, and Rob Bironas might be the best kicker in the NFL. Fischer is one of the best coaches in the league and you have to credit the organization for sticking with him, just as the Steelers stuck with Cowher all those years and were rewarded. Gotta like this team's chances and their decision to rock the old oilers uni's for a few games. Classic.

5. Indianapolis Colts: This team is probably going to drop in my final rankings, because the more I hear, the less I like their chances. They lost Dungy and a ton of his staff, which is going to make for some bumps along the road. They did, however, astutely put one of their own, former assistant coach Jim Caldwell, at the helm because he knows their complex system. But Peyton is coming off an injury and Marvin Harrison is gone, so Reggie Wayne's numbers should drop some, even though Gonzalez and Clark are both very viable passing options. Still, it's a serious loss. Addai had a down year and his injuries are cause for concern, which you have to question even more with the 1st round selection of Donald Brown. I've also never been a real believer in this team's defense and I am even less so now that Ron Meeks is gone. Yeah, Sanders is amazing but Freeney is overrated (although he did have a good season last year), their linebackers suck, and Marlin Jackson isn't what he was supposed to be. Plus, Vinatieri can't boot it like he used to. I think this team is crumbling but I still view them as an elite AFC team (although that division is all of a sudden pretty sick).

That's it for now, I'll follow up with 5-10 in a few days or so.

NBA Draft Right Na Na Na

2009-06-23T14:04:00.005-04:00

The NBA Draft (not quite as exciting as Dave Chapelle's racial draft) takes place this Thursday at Madison Square Garden. Every team hopes they will nab the next NBA superstar or snag the steal of the draft. Every team hopes they can avoid The Bust. Every Knicks fan knows that the player we take is either going to shoot himself in the leg or contract AIDs from a hooker within the next year. In what is being labeled as possibly the worst draft of all time, teams should follow one simple rule: take the best player available. Do not worry about how high someone's vertical is, how many illegitimate children they have, or what form they use on their jump shot. Go with your gut, and pick who your franchise feels is the best player available (like NFL teams almost always do). Do not pick someone just because they fit a positional need (see: Michael Olowakandi, Marvin Williams, etc.). In today's NBA, you want the most athletic and versatile player--not necessarily the biggest or strongest. You want someone who can create mismatches and can change the game. I read via my ESPN Insider an article about how Isiaah Thomas is, by the numbers, one of the best drafters ever. I'm not on Zeke's level, but I was so keen as to know that Oden over Durant was not the move. So without further ado, here are three guys that (all projected to go in the top 10), I sure as hell would not draft, pray the Knicks don't end up with, and have more bust potential than Asia Carrera:

1) Hasheem Thabeet: AkA Hasheem Tha-Weak-Sauce. Is he as good (or as big) as Emeka Okafor was in college? No. Does he have any post moves? No. Will he be able to block shots against Dwight Howard (note: not Luke Harangody)? No. He also has the same body type as the guy from the Air Up There. Will he be able to stay out of foul trouble? No. Does he have an eating disorder? Debatable. The guy is a skinny little biatch who blocks shots against undersized white dudes. Think he's going to be able to stop nasty mofos like Ron Artest? NAA. Look at all the trouble Greg Oden has had making the adjustment to the league, playing against guys close to his size and a whole lot tougher. Thabeet isn't half the prospect Oden was, and while he has shown the ability to improve, he just doesn't do it for me. At best, he is the next Samuel Dalembert. At worst, well...the Candy Man!

2) Jrue Holiday (who many experts believe the Knicks may take): AkA Drew. What have you done for me lately, Ja-Rue. The spelling of his name is almost as whack as his game. The guy's biggest strength is "defense," because he has long arms. Can't you find a guy with long arms and good agility in like, the D-League? His range is about 12-15 feet, and he barely played point guard last year for UCLA. He did not do much in a down year for the Pac-10. Umm...This guy is going in the top ten? Really? He was invisible every time I watched a (shitty) UCLA team play. This is not the reincarnation of Russel Westbrook--Holiday is a MAJOR project and is more likely the next DaJuan Wagner (out of the league) than Chris Paul. DraftExpress lists this guys BEST CASE as Rodney Stuckey and his worst case as Mario Chalmers. Does not sound like a lottery pick to me...

3) James Harden: aka The Hard-On I get it--he's athletic, versatile, and the ULTIMATE TEAM PLAYER. Drafting a team player in the lottery (top 5 especially) is like walking up to a bar, and instead of going for the group of hotties, you go for the group that reeks of mediocrity, knowing you have a solid chance at netting a decent ay babay. With Harden, you have a solid chance of netting an average NBA player. That doesn't sound good enough to me for a lottery pick. You're going to draft a guy in the top 3 who is known for deferring to other teammates, had an abysmal NCAA tournament, has an ehhhh jump shot, and is only 6'5" (with shoes on). I like the guy and think he can stay in the league, but I do not see him becoming "the next Brandon Roy" or ever making an All Star team. However, he's going to be a great in Cialis commercials.

*I also would not draft anyone that Doug Gottlieb loves*

Akon is more of an OG than any of these fools will ever be:

(look at that man move!)

General Thoughts

2009-06-21T22:40:00.024-04:00

1. I saw David Guetta the other night here in Barcelona and he did not disappoint. It was a sick venue and he definitely has some certified jams up his sleeve. There must have been at least 350 people in this club and it was clear that everyone was feeling what Guetta was laying down.

I'm hesitant, though, to say 'laying down' because if I'm not mistaken, he basically just parked his ass up there and played music he's already composed. Quite frankly (another expression I'm hesitant to use because it's associated with former ESPN analyst Steven A. Smith—that unnecessary middle initial stands for Ass-wipe in case you were wondering), that's fine with me because he has some ill songs under his belt, but I guess I would've liked to see some more improvisation. Whatever, it was sick. Here's a couple Guetta remixes that never get old:

Once the event ended everyone made their way right outside to the beach, which is just another amazing aspect of this city, along with the freedom to light up a j on said beach like it's legal.

2. The hookers here are brazen as hell. My friends and I were at an ATM and this ‘tute who looked like she had just stepped off a pirate ship came up and kept grabbing our arms. Not only am I not going to give you the D because I'm never going to stoop to that level, but if you're going to heckle us I might have to dump a beverage on your head.

After I told her to get away she informed me she'd "fuck me real good," as if that's going to convince me to pay her for AIDS. How about I give you my dick cheese and then you just keep trolling the street as before? Anyway, I'm not going to sit on here and rant about Spanish hookers but it's one minute annoying aspect of life here (the only one I've noticed at all). Here are two tracks about hookers from Weezy F:

3. On a more positive note, the street performers are dope. They are these really weird people that dress up in ridiculous costumes and pretend to be statues until you give them some change. Once you do, they make these really unique sounds with their mouths and move like robots. Real wizard.

Homeless people should try this stuff because it's definitely something you could pick up with practice and would earn you a ton more money. I feel like it would also be more enjoyable (this all assuming you are able) than simply withering away in the gutter with your hand out. We also saw a performer do a flip over 3 standing people. Yes, that just happened and it was nuts.

4. A brief warning. Don't ever read the novel Who Walk in Darkness by Chandler Brossard, which I picked up solely because of its supremely badass title and its documentation of the birth of the Hippie movement. It's actually piece of garbage that I’m considering just leaving in my hotel room or maybe giving to a homeless person, despite the fact it apparently received serious popularity in France. Just thought I'd spread the word so no one is subjected to this rubbish.

Strahan Flies High, No Lie

2009-06-20T17:47:00.004-04:00

It's good to be Michael Strahan. He's marrying Axel Foley's ex-wife, who is a certified MILF. He forcefully took down the record for most sacks in a single season. He has a phD in orthodontics. He went out on top, winning a ring with the G-Men. He's frequently consulted by the military for his expert advice on how to GPS a sucka. He's also got this sweet show coming out in the fall that will showcase the GAP on prime time. It promises to give Mad Men a run for its money for Best TV Show:

Bidet vs. T.P.

2009-06-20T10:00:00.004-04:00

As Americans in a foreign country, we are commonly introduced to new things. This week, I would like to propose a bisque (scintillating conversation for anyone who has been living under a rock…) about the French invention that’s caught on like wildfire across Europe, that is the bidet. To the untrained eye or the hardcore Francophobe, the bidet is that plumbing apparatus located adjacent to the toilet in many European bathrooms, not to be confused with water fountains. Perhaps a better name might be the anus tickler, buttbubbler, poop-purger, or colon cleanser. Regardless, the main function of this strange alien device is to facilitate the cleaning of the butthole post-poopdom. Firstly, I have a few quick questions about general etiquette in regard to usage of the bidet. If one is planning on using the bidet to clean off the crust/butt jam, is he/she still expected to wipe with regular T.P.? Also, after using the bidet, how is one supposed to dry off? So far I’ve just been using local hand and face towels… Now, as for other questions, and the main topic of debate I wanted to bring up, is it gay to use a bidet? Seriously, I don’t know if it’s my own insecurities or my overall level of immaturity–but in my opinion there’s something kind of gay about tickling your butthole with lukewarm water to get it clean. Wiping just seems way more American, way more manly, a liberty I would never want to jeopardize. Consider this question and feel free to write in with both comments and suggestions.

Luckily, the bidet has more than one use. Obviously, from the above photo, some jabroni thought it would be brotastic to fill a bidet with ice and beer and take a picture. Cheers to that asshole. Also, as someone else recalled, Crocodile Dundee washed his boots in one. So as we can see, the bidet is a multiuse appliance, but is it worth the space? That’s for you to decide.

GirlWhisper

2009-06-19T16:09:00.000-04:00

All of you have heard Girl Talk and yes, his music is good. Quite frankly, however, he was simply the first person to think of mashing songs together. He was good at it but now that other people are out there doing it, things are heating up. I recently found this guy named E-603. While Girl Talk's albums were nonstop uptempo, E-603 allows the music to slow down. Instead of being overwhelmed, E-603 gets the listener groovin', slows it down giving you a chance to catch your breath, and then blows you away into oblivion. Yes, this guy looks like a grade A Richard Tugger but come on, he's getting rained on by PBRs. He's gotta be the man. His new album Torn Up just came out today. You can download it here for free:

Torn Up - E-603

Here are a couple tracks if you want to sample a couple songs before getting the whole album. Check it:

"Lights Out" - E-603

"If You Wanna" - E-603

"Hey Shorty" - E-603

Ride, Sally, Ride!

2009-06-18T23:04:00.000-04:00

After a week-long fiesta in the middle of Tennessee, I'm back to report on Phish and the Bonnaroo festival. I saw Phish at the University of Tennesee (awesome place for a show with so much energy was pumping through the arena) and then made the trek to Manchester, TN for four days of funky grooves and lawlessness. The whole trip was amazing with so many highs (pun intended) that it seemed like it would be impossible to pick out a favorite moment. Once Trey started storytelling on Sunday night, however, and The Boss graced the "What Stage", there was no question about what the highlight would be. Here's a video of Phish and Bruce covering Mack Rice's (made famous by Wilson Pickett) song "Mustang Sally." Even if you don't like Phish, definitely check it out as there are some awesome parts. Some highlights of the song include: 1) Bruce singing like a little girl, showing off his enthusiasm at 2:50 2) Trey and Bruce facing off in a riff-war (I didn't even think Bruce could solo)at 5:25 3) Bruce yelling "come on mr. keyboard player" to Page McConnell at 6:50. I thought it was hilarious that he didn't even know his name (Page killed it by the way). Overall, there was no better way to end the weekend than Phish and Bruce on the same stage. "Glory Days" killed too; Trey ripped the song apart. Here's "Mustang Sally":

Other highlights of the festival included Grace Potter coming out to sing "Southern Man" with Gov't Mule, seeing David Byrne's weird dancers, MGMT, and Santigold. Here's a real chill remix of Santigold's song "Lights Out." Not sure if the other songs are good:

"Lights Out (Tepr Emo Remix)" - Santigold

Moving away from Bonnaroo and onto some other good music, here's a new Van She song off their new album Ze Vemixes. You guys probably remember them from the fall, and if you do, you know that they're ill. The song's called "Sexual City":

"Sexual City" - Van She

Finally, here's a band I just discovered called Noisettes. Track is called "Never Forget You." They sounds a little like Amy Winehouse and I'm really feeling it:

"Never Forget You" - Noisettes

I Miss Slim Shady

2009-06-18T15:13:00.000-04:00

I don’t know about you, but I’m a little disappointed with Eminem’s new album. And I know it’s sort of late to comment on it, but I really need to get it off my chest. I don’t think there's much of the Eminem of old rapping on there. It’s Eminem sure, but there's less Slim Shady on it than I would've liked. And when I refer to Slim Shady I’m talking about the venom-hawking, twisted psycho that spit fire on the the Slim Shady and Marshall Mathers LPs, two of my favorite rap albums of all time. If they aren’t on your list, you should go take a good listen.

Anyway, I don’t think ‘Relapse’ is that great, at least for a rapper of Eminem’s caliber. It's pretty good though and I won’t write it off as a bad album for the fact that very few people can rap the unique way he does on a lot of the songs. But honestly, what the fuck is with that accent on some songs? Is that supposed to be funny? Because it sounds retarded and distracts from the lyrics. The lyrical content of the album is definitely solid, but some songs are just plain annoying like ‘We Made You,’ which all these knaves on youtube are championing because they giggle when he jabs celebrities. It’s not that good. He doesn’t get after it on that song like he used to. One man's two cents anyway.

Here are some older Eminem songs that aren’t on any of his major studio albums and aren't good overall songs (one is just a freestyle on the radio) but that I think suffice to showcase his rapping skills at least.

http://www.box.net/shared/9jzck9lj2r

p.s. Everyone should visit Barcelona at some point in their life. Seriously. This city is amazing. And also, on a side note, Weezy needs to stop producing rock songs as soon as possible. I wanna puke every time I hear one of those. I'll hopefully be seeing him July 9th in Amsterdam and I'm praying he leaves his guitar at home.

chiddy BANG at Beta Beach

2009-06-18T14:11:00.000-04:00

aight, so the main act at Beta Beach 2009 looks like its gonna be Chiddy Bang.

they have everything working for them, building off beats of popular songs and adding their own flow.

here's a few songs to whet your appetite:

Day and Night
right click save as

Truth ft. Passion pit (real hot)

Fresh Like Us

Sooner or Later
right click save as

Kids
right click save as

Because
right click save as

Check them out: http://www.myspace.com/chiddybangphilly

Josh WhackDaniels

2009-06-16T10:38:00.000-04:00

The coach of the Denver Broncos is a flat out schmohawk. First, he jettisoned Jay Cutler, one of the top quarterbacks in the league with arguably the best arm since Brett Favre (pre-drama queen days) out of town. Now, star receiver and enemy of the state, Brandon Marshall, wants out, as he has refused to show up for mini camp and has requested a trade. Can you really blame Marhsall here? Yes, he may have an um, volatile past with women, but it's not like he shot himself or anything. The guy caught 100 passes the past two seasons and is clearly one of the elite receivers in the NFL. Rather than alienate all of his players, McDaniels, a 33 year old coach, should maybe try bonding with them a bit more. Just look at Phil Jackson, one of the more laissez-fair coaches of all time--and the one with the most championships. Being a hardass all of the time is simply the wrong path to take, especially if some of your players are older than you. Just because you may not like one of your players doesn't mean you need to get rid of him (a la Coughlin-Burress). Talent is talent, and you can't replace Pro Bowl QBs and Receivers in the fly. Clearly, while he may be a jackass, Marshall wants nothing to do with this new coach, who seems determined to drive this train into the ground. Now, McDaniels traded his "party animal QB" Cutler and is stuck with Kyle "The Bottle" Orton (pictured above). Hmmm. Smart move. Cutler may not party as hard as Orton or be as likable a guy, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to discern that Cutler is a far superior QB. McDaniels might be left with the lethal combination of Orton-Eddie Royal (along with nine running backs on the current roster that make you say uhhhh), with Brandon Stokely and Chad Jackson competing for the backup wide receiver. This season should remind you Broncos fan a lot of Elway-Smith. Slurp up that WhackDaniels.

At least you're not from Minnesota...These commercials are the only good thing to come out of that state:

Curb's Cameos

2009-06-15T19:08:00.000-04:00

While Larry's film, Whatever Works, is coming to theatres near you this weekend, I've got my panties in an even bigger bunch, as Curb Your Enthusiasm's seventh season is set to premiere on September 20th (so says Jeff Garlin's twitter). As I mentioned earlier, every former main player in the Seinfeld series is set to appear this season. With that in mind, here are my top 5 Curb cameo moments:

5. Thor. Definitely one of the more unexpected appearances, but certainly one of the best. Love seeing Larry scared shitless:

"Hey Jabroni, open the window."

4.Hurley (fat dude from lost). Posted this as one of my best episodes. Anything involving LD buying buds is pure gold. Can't get enough of this one:

"Hydroponic? I'm not looking for a sound system my friend."

3. John McEnroe. A book with freaks in it. What more could you possibly ask for? Couldn't find the final scene, but this one's gold too:

"LOOK AT THAT FREAK!"

2. Kevin Farley. I'm considering him a celebrity because his last name his Farley. Along with this scene, he provides some classic Curb awkwardness throughout this episode:

"IT'S A RAT!"

1. Tim Meadows. Or is it Don Cheadle? The Ladies Man takes part in one of the best Curb scenes of all time, and continually clashes with the LD throughout the episode:

"WHATUP HAL?"

Honorable Mention: Shaq, Tia Carrere, Martin Short, Hugh Hefner, Steve Coogan

Get Lifted

2009-06-13T14:14:00.001-04:00

I finally saw UP last night, and it did not disappoint. The movie is, fo sho, the bdc. Up is a roller coaster, thrill ride of a movie, during which you are laughing about 75 percent of the time, crying 20 percent of the time, and 5 percent of the time hoping you got moves like the protagonist Carl Fredeerickson when you're supposed to be old and decrepit. The movie is a feel good adventure tale that takes you into a fantasy world while relating it to pretty much anyone's life. And the film has many layers of meaning: letting go of lost loved ones, the power of friendship, along with, of course, how damn sweet animals are. My favorite character had to be Doug the talking dog, who continually makes you laugh right after the film has gone into its somewhat sadder segments. Oh and word on the street is that Michael Vick helped train the animated dogs, letting them know what it takes to be a true OG in the world of dogs gone bad. Overall, while there is some incongruity in the film (real life vs. fantasy), it is another tight addition to Pixar's legacy, up there with the likes of Wall-E and The Incredibles.

Kobe's about to win a ring thanks to the superb refs of the No Balls Association...At least I have this video:

"You guys ever shower with John Amici?"

New Hip Hop

2009-06-12T21:10:00.000-04:00

Here is a plethora of rap, some of it real solid:

Kid Cudi
Mr. Solo Dolo

Girls, Sounds and Colors by Rich Hill (ft. Kid Cudi)

Do My Do by Mickey Factz (ft. Kid Cudi)

New York City Life

Wiz Khalifa
Ode to Naked Pop Stars
Rolling Up
with Currensy (old)

Charles Hamilton
Reminder

Rosado ft Aja Monet

Post Lynching Ceremony

Dizkreet
This guy's not really well known, and I can't find his shit available to DL, but Mr. Miyagi and I have it so contact us if you want the real versions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F134uVLY5fw

WALE
Gotta Be Magic

Nike Boots (remix) - For E.Fowle cause even though hes gone he "still got my nike boots"

Hot Shyt

Family Affair

Tyga: The Potential mixtape

Mix tape:
DJ Illl Will and DJ Rockstar: I Love Your Girl Vol 7

There's Always Next Year LeBron

2009-06-12T20:51:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, I posted how I thought the Magic would upset the Celtics (which they did), dethrone King James (which they did) and beat the best player in the league in Kobe. This looks unlikely, he has truly been the best player in the league, as Weezy says:

Lil Wayne- Kobe Bryant

"I've been quoted as saying he is definitely the best player in our league, um to me in my eyes the best scorer in our league and there is not another guy in our league who can accomplish the things he is doing"

Weezy is clearly a sports fan, as you can see from the next 2 tracks.

Michael Phelps shout out: I'm a Go Getta

Old school song: Sportscenter

Lil Wayne ft Gucci Maine: We Be steady mobbin

Toy Story Three

2009-06-12T20:33:00.001-04:00

Outside of The Hangover, it has been a lackluster summer for movie-goers thus far. Its due to heat up with Final Destination, Harry Potter, Inglorious Bastards, Transformers 2 and Public Enemies. Starting next May a number of movies come out ranging in genres. Action junkies get Iron Man 2, chick flick goers (Larry) get their sequel to Sex and the City, history nerds get Prince of Persia, comic book junkies get Green Hornet, and cartoon/Pixar fans get Shrek Goes Fourth. Non will compare to the new Pixar production, Toy Story 3

Graduating college marks the end of your youth for all intensive purposes. That being said, the release of Toy Story 3 will surely be a box office hit for all ages. The third movie comes 15 years after the first release.

Andy heads off to college, and Buzz, Woody and the gang are sent off to a day-care center.

If you are not a fan of Toy Story, then you have had a deprived childhood. Outside of the World Cup, which kicks off a year from now, Toy Story 3 is on the list of things to watch before entering the real world

Da Coen Bros. Are The Illest

2009-06-11T16:45:00.000-04:00

Yes, that is Frances McDormand pictured above. And yes, she was a bonafide babe back in 1984. But before she was the mom in Almost Famous, the pregnant cop in Fargo, and the hoochie mama in Burn After Reading, she was in the Coen Brothers' (and her) first movie, Blood Simple (as in, "when blood is involved, it's never simple"). The Coen Brothers are on top when it comes to making movies, and have a couple cool projects on tap in the near future. For the most part, they are not swayed by Hollywood trends and march to the beat of their own drum (although Burn defintely was starting to move away from that). The film is now 25 years old, before I was born and when McDormand had some serious body karate. I finally found a copy of this movie via Netflix and watched it last night, and it did not disappoint. The film, which is reportedly going to be remade in a more modern, Asian-influenced way by Zhang Yimou in the near future, is the truth. The film delves into human nature, exploring themes of greed, envy, and lust. It has all of the Coen Brothers' staples in it: some violence, dark humor, unexpected twists, great cast, suspenseful (and creepy) music, along with a flawless script and plot. It also stars Dan Hedaya, the dad in Clueless, before he was, well, old and a riveting, vicious role by M. Emmet Walsh. I won't go so far as to say its my favorite Coen Brothers film, but it is certainly up there. Here is the first minute of the film, and there is certainly a parallel between the way it opens and the opening of No Country For Old Men:

"Down here, you're on your own..."

And here are some bonerfide remixes:

I will never get sick of this song.

W.A.L.E.D.A.N.C.E. - Wale (Right Click Save), this is pure fire, from his upcoming mixtape

I Want You D.A.N.C.E. - Comar (Right Click and Save) Interesting, but anything that incorporates Jackson 5 and Justice, I'm down with.

Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon (Chu Fu Festival Fix) - Not that into Kings of Leon, but this song is bomb, and the remix takes it to a new level

Truth - Chiddy Bang ft. Passion Pit - I have listened to this song 50 times in the past 24 hours. I can't get enough of Chiddy, watch out for these dudes...

For more Chiddy, pay a visit to my boy, the whacky paki DJSHIZZYBABY

L'CHAIM!

I Don't Smoke Weed...I Just Like The Way It Smells

2009-06-09T20:44:00.001-04:00

...But if I was back in my hay day, it would be a pretty great time to be a lover of ze ganja. And I'm not just talking about this legalization nonsense (I call it nonsense because how could anyone in their right mind ever consider the herb more dangerous than the booze: do people ever die from smoking too much?). But I digress. Weeds premiered last night on Showtime, and I have mixed feelings about it. The show has just gotten increasingly and increasingly more absurd every season--and this season is no different. The whole Nancy-Esteban saga is way over the top, and seems forced at this point. Celia is still one of the funnier parts of the show, even when she's tied up in Mexico. Shane has become the most intriguing character at this point. He has changed the most since the start of the show, going from whiny bitch to drug dealer and ATM for poonani. The best scene from last night's episode was clearly when Shane's teacher blackmailed him into giving him the devil's lettuce. Hopefully, Weeds will expand Shane's role this season like they did to Silas last season. Oh, and Kevin Nealon (Doug), is, as always the man, and needs to be shown ripping many more bongs. On a side not, Nurse Jackie, the subsequent, new show featuring Edie Falco, is 20 times more over the top then Weeds and is not worth watching. It's like a more graphic, inappropriate, and less funny House with a female nurse rather than a doctor.

On the subject of nuggets, here are some herbal jams. Weed jamz are the truth, and go hand and hand with that summer haze. These may not hold a candle to the infamous "Sour Diesel" of last summer, but I'm chillin on them:

Smoke Away The Pain- Freddie Gibbs

Gettin' High - B.O.B. featurin Devin the Dude (putcha lightas up, this ones chillin)

I would post OG Kush, courtesy of NORE and Dame Grease, but it does Sour Diesel no justice and simply blows.

And here's an herb friendly video for all you stoners:

Keep ripping those bongs, you just might turn into Brad Pitt.

Death of Autotune

2009-06-08T00:43:00.000-04:00

I just checked out a new Jay-Z track that will be on his upcoming album, Blueprint 3. It's called D.O.A (Death of Autotune) and I love it. While I do love Autotune and what it's done for the evolution of rap, you just have to respect Jay-Z. This guy just doesn't give a fuck and certainly doesn't need to alter his voice to make quality songs. All he needs is the creativity in his head and some dope producers. The drums, horns, and guitars make for a real chill beat and the lyrics, as always, are great with lines like, "this is anti Autotune/death of the ringtone/this ain't for iTunes/this ain't for singalongs," "i know we facin' a recession/but the music y'all makin' gonna make it the great depression," and "give this to a blood/let a crip walk on it." Here's the track:

"D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)" - Jay-Z

Jay isn't so much trying to diss the Autotune users out there. He's simply keepin it real. Hip Hop is about the lyrics, not a distorted voice. While melodies sell, rap, at its roots, is about spitting fire. Kanye, T-Pain, Lil Wayne, etc - keep using autotune, keep busting out hits, but don't forget where you came from. You came from Jay's time and he's just trying to remind you of that.

Looking forward to Blueprint 3, which comes out on September 11, 2009. Finally, coincidence that the best rapper of all time has a new album called Blueprint 3 and the current stage of Phish's career is referred to as Phish 3.0? I think not.

He's BAAAAAAAACK

2009-06-07T19:57:00.000-04:00

Tiga Tiga Woods Y'all. This weekend at the Memorial, Tiger put up his hand, waved, and threw up the proverbial middle finger to all his haterz. Was there any doubt that Tiger was just getting his groove back? Like any sport, you need to give a guy some time to get re-acclamated, focused, and in playing shape. Think about how many athletes sometimes do not even make it back from injuries (the Kijana Carter syndrome). Even the ones that somehow recover rarely are ever the same after a torn ACL or a devastating injury. Most of these other athletes are mere mortals--Tiger is clearly not. In fact, Tiger was better than ever, hitting every single fairway today en route to what tied his second biggest comeback on a Sunday. Tiger just told the world that he's still numero uno--there is no more dominant athlete in the world (and perhaps has never been). And he just made the rest of the PGA Tour crap their pants. Is there any doubt that Tiger will win at least one major this year? The guy was simply amazing all week, and he officially has gotten his swag turned on. On 17 and 18, he had that look in his eye that you can't even describe with words--you just know he's about to drop some knowledge. The shot he hit on 18 was as perfect as it gets, and Tiger made it look way too easy. If he can get his putter going on a consistent basis (like today), no one has any chance against him. Sorry Kobe, you may win your title, but you will never reign supreme over the sports world: Tiger's back, and he's here to stay. The guy is 33 years old-Jack Nicklaus mentioned towards the end of the telecast that he was in his prime around this age (32-35). With the shape Tiger keeps his body in, he could do this for another 10-12 years easily, and should eclipse Nicklaus sooner than later. Roar.

On a totally different note, Scarlett Johansson is not only banging, married to Van Wilder, and a good actress, but she can sing. These are from her upcoming album with Pete Yorn (whos legit). pretty chill out.

Relator (Right Click and Save)

Shampoo

MGMT's new music video (for Kids), pretty fly:

The Hippie Lives...Kind Of

2009-06-05T21:03:00.000-04:00

"Yeah man, the corporations. Right now they're raping the world for money!" A 'hippie' utters these words during a South Park episode. After going to my first 'show' in the true jam band/festival mode, these words could never seem ironic. I love hippie music, and I love many aspects of the hippie way. But the true hipsters at these concerts, the one's who follow around the bands, are really just like corporations--trying to rape the commoners for all their worth. After attending last night's Phish show, this was evident. Walking down "Shakedown Street" is an unpleasant, harried feel, as you essentially walk around a pretty narrow, crowded row with people trying to rip you off to make a buck. I mean, who sells a mediocre chillum for 30 dollars, that is just acenine. The beauty of a tailgate is whippin' out the charcoal, slammin on a few burgers and knockin down some brews (or in my case, Stoli-Orange and tonics baby). Who the hell eats pizza at a tailgate? That's less American than Hedo Turkoglu. I don't see the allure of treating a tailgate like a concession stand...The scene before and after the Phish concert can best be described as this: It rated about a 7 on the crunchiness scale. You have your share of hardcore fans who tour the band and dress the part, your washed-up, 90s fan, some crunched out hippy chicks, your fratty, more casual fans, and then some randos who look out of place. And way to many "Jakes" (cops), trying to Jake people. And in the midst of the mayhem, you could pretty much do whatever you wanted.
The music can be summed up with one word: fire. Seeing Phish is an experience like none other. I'm not a Phishead, nor do I consider them one of favorite bands. But it was hands down the most magical show I have ever seen. There is something special about them that permeates through the crowd. They play for an absurdly long time, with lengthy, ludicrous jams that make you forget about your fatigue, dry mouth, and lack of beer for four hours. And their light shows are a genuine trip. The highlights of the night were 1) "Divided Sky": They opened the show with this, and it was a redonkulous, sublime, and beautiful journey 2) "Story of The Ghost": an intense, grooved out, mystical journey, 3) "Drowned": cover of The Who during which they jammed out reeeeal hard 4) "You Enjoy Myself": a live Phish classic that sent the crowd into a frenzy, and then another planet 5) "Waste": Chillest song of the night (along with dirt), that literally gave me goosebumps.
Overall, the Phish experience is relatively crunchy, musically amazing, and unforgettable.

Na Ma Ste.

Waste:

THE HANGOVER

2009-06-05T14:01:00.001-04:00

So let's be honest, this movie is pretty hyped. It's everywhere, billboards, commercials, everywhere. And for good reason, Todd Philips, the director, is the same guy who put out iconic comedic hits such as Old School and Road Trip.

Last night, I went down to USC and saw an early private screening of The Hangover. Let me say, this movie lives up to the hype. From the opening shot to even, yes, the credits, it is non-stop laughs. Zach Galifianakis, who plays the introverted, awkward, soon to be brother-in-law, is simply superb. Every time he talks, the crowd erupted. There's no doubt about it, Zach Galifianakis, with his grizzly beard and jesus hair cut, will be a household face, name by the end of this weekend.

I won't give away any good scenes and I won't spoil the plot. All you need to know is that this film is just as funny, if not funnier, than Old School.

Go see it and enjoy.

What a Beautiful Buzz, What a Beautiful Buzz!

2009-06-03T13:26:00.000-04:00

I had waited for more than five years and last night I was finally able to see Phish live in concert. It was worth the wait. After my introduction to Shakedown Street (one row of the parking lot, lined with tents of people selling literally everything imaginable) and a heavy downpour, the skies opened up to a distinctive rainbow. It turned out to be a good omen for the night as the band came out swinging with a tight "Runaway Jim," followed by an even tighter "Foam." They threw in some real cool songs in the first set. "Timber Ho!" "Driver," and "Possum" were all great. "Cities," the Talking Heads cover was unbelievable, with Fishman forcing the end of the song as the band could not keep up with Page, who was killing it on the clavinet and just would not stop. "Reba" was amazing, complete with a glow stick war and the whistling outro. "Stealing Time From The Faulty Plan" was a new song and I liked it. The best new song of the night was yet to come though. I was a little disappointed that they didn't end such a tight set with an upbeat song. I thought they kind of killed the mood with "Farmhouse," and "If I Could" just doesn't do it as a set closer for me. Hey, beggars can't be choosers. Here's the first set:

Set One - Phish - Jones Beach 6.2.09

I was lucky enough to meet up with my friend Nicholas, who worked his magic to get us backstage during the set break. We left the "lounge" just in time for the drop into "Mike's Song." I had a feeling we were going to hear a Mike's Groove but had no idea of the twists the band would take with it. After a great jam, Trey slowly segued into "Simple" and then into "Wolfman's Brother" before finally finishing off with the classic "Weekapaug Groove." It was cool to see "When the Circus Comes to Town" but the next song in store was unbelievable. Another new song, "Kill Devil Falls is a real dirty blues jam, which sort of reminds me of the Allman Brothers. I was rocking out to this song and can't wait to see it played again. Then came "Harry Hood," which was literally out of this world. Phish, for the first time this year, took us on a journey into the depths of the universe. The jam came together really nicely for a good close to the song and the opening chords of "Loving Cup," the Rolling Stones cover. Rockin' jam to close out the set. They only came out for one song on the encore but they killed it with "Suzy Greenberg," a great song about a woman who's "bout as faithful as a slot machine, pays off once in a while, then she robs you clean." Awesome end to an awesome night. And the second + encore:

Second Set & Encore - Phish - Jones Beach 6.2.09

Here's a video of the new song "Kill Devil Falls." Again, it's real bluesy and it grabs you by the throat and forces you on a joyride. As always, the lights are trance-inducing:

Animate Your Swag

2009-06-02T18:21:00.000-04:00

Long before Pixar took over the world, there was another form of animation that was both visually pleasing and pretty legit--ANIME! Pixar is the bomb, and I'm really pumped to see Up (after I get liiiifteeeed). But Anime (around since 1917) has clearly been an influence of sorts for Pixar, as they are usually pretty trippy, out of this world stories that expand one's mind and imagination. And as Up has displayed, sometimes the imagined and animated is far superior to the "substance" in most films. And oddly enough, there is a link between Anime and the star of one of this summer's shittier movies...Christian Bale. In 2005, while Batman Begins was running shit, Bale starred in the dubbed version of an Anime film at pretty much the exact same time. And Bale's animated character certainly owns John Connor on the badass scale. Rather than wasting your time at Terminator, Netflix or stream Howl's Moving Castle (also starring Billy Crystal's voice), and listen to Bale's sweet voice in one of his better movies. No, he may not kill any thugs, deliver any creepy soliliquies, but his animated persona tears shit up as the dope wizard, Howl:

Dats Piff Right Thurr.

The Flaming Lips Are...Straight Chillin'

2009-06-01T20:02:00.000-04:00

To quote my and your best friend, Wikipedia, "The band (The Flaming Lips) is known for their LUSH, multi-layered, psychedelic arrangements, spacey lyrics and bizarre song and album titles." In other words, these guys are fucking too legit to quit. I got into these Lip guys one day when I was mad blazed, smookin fools in FIFA '09. Apparently, they were on my Ipod. Sweet. They are a little weird, but in a good, different way (as in, unique). They are chilled out, but, as the remix posted down below demonstrates, reeeeal noice and feel good. And if you look at bands (i.e. MGMT) that rely heavily on electro sounds in their music, but are still considered "rock bands," look no further than these dudes (been around since the 80s) for the starting point aka inspiration. They are coming out with an album that has the working title "Embryonic," which I expect, like most of their music, will be quite the trip.

Here is their album from 2002, which is the titties:

Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots (straight chillin, this album be)

The YEAH YEAH YEAH Song, Flaming Lips (Twelves Remix)

Right Click and Save As.

With all your powers, what would you do?

And here's a pretty a killa video of a bootyshakin', assgyratin' song, titled "Woman":

...Meet me in the club, it's goin dern...

In a Minute I'll Be Free, And We'll Be Splashing in the Sea

2009-06-01T19:49:00.000-04:00

As evidenced by the rainbow in the picture, the gods were smiling on Fenway Park last night. Considering I'm watching the Yankees right now, last night was one of the few times I bid Fenway good wishes.

For those of you unaware, Phish opened their summer tour last night with their biggest non-festival show ever. While you may expect me to gush about how amazing the band was, I assure you I won't. In fact, I thought that the first nine songs of the show were garbage. The band seemed to think instead of play, with Trey Anastasio, the guitar player, and Jon Fishman, the drummer, working especially tentatively. Then came "Down With Disease" and the band let loose. Next came the rare "Destiny Unbound" followed by "Character Zero" to close out an average first set. Download the first set here:

Set One - Phish - Fenway Park 5.31.09

After a set which the band certainly knew they underperformed in, Phish opened the second set with a blazing "Tweezer." The four dorks from Vermont seemed to finally remember how to play music together. After segueing into "Light," a new song, they brought out the fan favorites, "Bathtub Gin" and "David Bowie." Next came what had to be the most promising new song of the night, "Time Turns Elastic." Just the other day, Phish released that song as a single off of their upcoming album. As the studio track is more than 13 minutes long, Trey joked after they played the song saying, "That's our new single," which he quickly followed up with a laugh, referencing Phish's "prolific" career on the Billboard Top Ten. It will be interesting to see the improvisational direction Phish takes this multi-phased song throughout the tour. The band came next with a high-flying "Free," followed by the extremely rare Lynyrd Skynyrd cover "The Ballad of Curtis Loew," which Phish played only 25 times before, the last time coming in 1993. To end the far superior second set was the quintessential Phish song, "You Enjoy Myself." With a bass solo by Mike Gordon that sounded more like Peter Frampton on the talking-guitar and an extra scary vocal jam, Phish ended the set with a bang. They encored with "Cavern," the Led Zeppelin cover "Good Times, Bad Times," and a fitting "Tweezer Reprise." Here's the download for the second set and encore:

Set Two & Encore - Phish - Fenway Park 5.31.09

All in all, Phish put on a good show to start off the tour. Being an improvisational band, you've got to give them some time to get used to playing with each other. Tomorrow night marks the first of three shows at Jones Beach. I'll be there in person for the first two shows so I'll be able to bring back some first-hand experience for all you Phish lovers. I know you're all jumping up and down and simply can't wait that long. Don't worry, I've got a video of the encore to hold you over haha:

HEY!

2009-05-31T15:04:00.000-04:00

I realize that only a select group of people are lucky enough to understand the genius that takes the form of four dorky musicians from Vermont. Yes, I understand that many of you do not like Phish but allow me to enjoy my excitement today. In a mere few hours, Phish will take the stage at Fenway Park to open up their first summer tour in five years. I urge those of you who are skeptical to give Phish a try. I understand that their songs are long and you may think that they just ramble on into nothing. You may be intimidated by the sheer volume of their music and think that there's no way you can catch up and know all of their music. The key is that that's not the point. Phish's music is a celebration of life and can take you to states of pure bliss. Put all your preconceived notions aside and maybe you'll find your new favorite band.

Anyway, I'll stop plugging the band and get to the music. I'll throw in some dope new electro but I'll start with Phish. Here's a download of their cover of Gary Glitter's "Rock and Roll, Part 2," which I'm sure you know from Jock Jams as well as numerous sporting events:

"Rock and Roll, Part 2" - Phish

Next is a teaser from the Australian electro band Van She's upcoming album. You might have heard some of their stuff before and if you have you know that it's supafly:

"Ze Vemixes (Teaser Mix)" - Van She

Next is a dope remix of a Don Diablo (see "Confusion Girl" [currently my favorite song] from an earlier post) and Example song:

"Hooligans (Noisia Remix)" - Don Diablo & Example

Finally here's a real chill song I just found today by the band NightWaves (sweet name for a band):

"She's Electric (Demo)" - NightWaves

Happy listening and please give Phish a chance (there's a reason I'm obsessed with them).

Prrrretty Goooood

2009-05-29T10:40:00.000-04:00

Larry David is not only extremely good looking, but he is the funniest man alive. Curb Your Enthusiasm is perhaps not only the best comedy, but perhaps the best show period. The only shows that are on its level are Mad Men and Breaking Bad. That said, the seventh season of Curb should be coming out sometime this summer, and it will include all the members of Seinfeld, along with, of course, the Blacks. This season's storyline will revolve around a film that Larry is making with Woody Allen, which, in case you don't know is real and is called Whatever Works. This season of Curb, along with LD's intro to the big screen will make for one fucking hilarious summer. And here are five of my top ten Curb episodes in no particular order (which everyone must see):

"The Car Pool Lane": Larry David + Weed + Fat Hooker = Pure Genius. This episode's got it all, from Larry's classic awkwardness to the weird eye movements with music to the fat dude (Hurley) from lost.

"The Grand Opening": This episode is good but becomes great at the end, when the chef with Tourette syndrome starts droppin F bombs. The hilarity ensues. Cunnilingus! Rim Job!

"The Car Salesman": Larry decides to become a car salesman, trying to prove that he can handle this job. The drama unfolds, and Larry dishes out his classic lines and akward aura all around.

"The Therapists": Larry stages a mugging that he is the hero of so that Cheryl will take him back. Unfortunately, Cheryl's therapist develops a crush on Larry. Full of classic Leon lines as well.

"The Anonymous Donor": Joe Peppertone Motherfucka! Larry and Leon at their finest.

Lots more of Curb lore to come in the future, and here's a classic clip from one of these illin episodes (from the Car Pool Lane):

I've Lost Control

2009-05-28T18:15:00.000-04:00

I piss my pants about as often as I cry in during movies. Fact: I pissed myself during the first Matrix because I was so into it and had a rather loose bladder at that point and time in my life. Fact: I once pissed my pants on a subway on the way to a Yankee game. Fact: I cried during Life Is Beauitful. Fact: I cried during Wall-E. Another film I cried in was the incendiary Control, a film about the late 70s punk rock band from Manchester, Joy Division. The film is the bdc and hands down one of the best I've seen in the past year. It centers around the tragic tale of Ian Curtis, the band's leader, an epileptic who could not deal with fame and fortune. The movie is spectacular, both as an art form and in content. Filmed in black and white, it creates an unbelievably real and almost too true atmosphere that you can help immersing yourself in. Unlike your typical rock biop, this film does not romanticize the star too much, but instead creates a biting, honest portrait of a lesser known legend in Curtis. Lots of drugs, lots of sex too. Netlfix this shit, as it is a film definitely worth checking out, and the band is actually pretty good too. Even if you don't like punk music , this movie will have a profound affect on you:

Konichiwa Bitches

2009-05-27T20:28:00.000-04:00

On May 4th, 2009 Dom DeLuise died. Some may have known him as the voice of Pizza the Hut, the moderator of this blog.

Anyways... Here are some pretty baderp news stories from the past couple of days:

1. Anyone ever heard of James Cameron, director of Aliens, the two good Terminators (still haven't seen the fourth, but not feeling good about it), and Titanic. Well he is coming out with what could become his masterpiece. It also could be the highest budgeted movie in history. It's called Avatar, and a basic synopsis would consist of the words: aliens vs. humans. I would say more, but there is not that much more on the project and plus its a lot more to find out on your own. Anyways, here's one of he first images to come out of the production and it is a picture of a mech, i.e. powersuit, worn by the humans. Looks dope and this is one of my most anticipated movies of the winter:

http://marketsaw.blogspot.com/2009/05/exclusive-first-look-avatar-heavy.html

2. This is a must watch for anyone who is a sci-fi fan. Heres the synopsis:
Film takes place in the year 2092, a time when Mars is a vacation spot. Nemo Nobody is a 120-year-old man who is the last mortal among humans who have become immortal due to scientific advances. When Nemo is on his deathbed, he reviews the three possible existences and marriages he might have experienced.
Stars Jared Leto (Requiem for a Dream) and just looks mindblowing.

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/mr-nobody/international-trailer

3. Do you like Star Wars? If yes, watch the trailer below. If no, figure it out and don't read any more of my posts. This trailer looks awesome, kind of a Fanboys meets Almost Famous type thing, I dunno. Just watch it. Plus, stars the kid from Freaks and Geeks (dope show) and Waiting.

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/77/trailer

That's as big as they will embed at the top, so I would suggest hitting up trailer addict for the full sized one. So there are some of the more important stories of the day to me. As you can see from above I am a sci-fi nerd and pretty much all around closet geek. So if you don't like the stuff above, you aren't going to like any of my stuff later. I am using this post more as a get to know me type thing and I will be posting less news and more opinion when I get around to it. Hopefully I will be seeing Terminator 4 in the next day or so, and I'm thinking of a comparison of it to some other summer blockbusters to find what makes them work or not. I am also finishing up my essay on why Michael Bay is the greatest director in Hollywood and Bollywood today and maybe some stuff on some more great graphic novels in case you read and loved Watchmen. Toodaloo

Fifi Mon Goes Down

2009-05-27T19:46:00.000-04:00

The Kobe of Europe--Christiano Ronaldo--got his ass handed to him on a silver platter today by my boys Messi, Eto, and Xavi of Barcelona. Booyakasha. Yes, he has skills. Yes, I'm sure he rakes in the poonani. Yes, he's probably got a sick crib. Or five. But anyone who dances before a penalty kick and applies that amount of hair gel, is, yes, a fifi mon. Hopefully, Kobe will follow suit, and we get to see two botti boys go down for the price of one on this evening.

While watching last night's Magic-Cavs game, I had the following three thoughts:
1. The Refs in the NBA are either semi-retarded, getting paid by David Stern, or had money on the game. There was no way Pietrus fouled Lebron there--it's a contact sport.
2. Mike Brown is a shitty coach and should (and probably will) get the boot. He played Boobie Gibson and Wally's World big minutes when they have barely played all series. How can a team be expected to win a championship when they do not even have a set rotation in late May?
3. Lebron's chances of becoming a Knick just increased--by a lot. BOOM.

Lykke Li keeps it real:

Cop her album. It's the bdc. And she's not bad looking either.

When There's a Will...There's A Way?

2009-05-26T19:49:00.000-04:00

What makes a good electro/house song, in the mind inside this man's madness? Beats that weave in and out...Fruity vocals...Ecstasy...The rise and the fall...Funky rhythms...Miley Cyrus (that white girl)...Steam maaachines...And more flamboyant, yet sexalicious vocals...Basically, what separates from the men from the boys in the world of house music is this: some songs make you want to have sex, others make you feel like you are actually having sex. Here are some tunes you can hump the shit out of (shout out to my boy cbass on these jamz):

You've Got The Power- Alex Dario & Damien K, Miss Brown ft. Vlad Scala

Kasino - Stay Tonight (Exteme Deejays Remix)

I am probably going to post this video every week, because it is both ill and the best house song EVER!!!

BONERS!

He's Tho Dirtay

2009-05-26T19:24:00.001-04:00

Dahntay Jones (a Dukie, normally meaning a squeezer of the d) did what the whole world wants to do to Kobe--he dropped that fool on his ass! I don't know what Kobe was trying to do with his facial expressions last night, but he looked more like one of Michael Vick's champion bulldogs than MJ. Kobe not only looked like a whiny bitch all night, but got schooled over and over again by my boy and Jersey alum, J.R. Smith, who is an up and coming supastar.T his guys a balla, shot calla, and has 20 inch rims on the impala. His swag has officially turned on, and he is on his way to stardom if he can keep his cool.

Speaking of talented jerks, here's a video of one TEARING IT UP:

He's basically my guilty pleasure. More on him soon to come.

I Feel on Top of the World

2009-05-25T21:20:00.000-04:00

With Larry's complaints that posts have been dragging on here, I guess I'll get down to business. You've most likely heard LMFAO's song "La La La". Here's a dope remix:

"La La La (Death to the Throne Remix)" - LMFAO

If you're into electro, I'm sure you've also heard of Frankmusik. Here's a remix of one of his songs done by Don Diablo. Real chill:

"Confusion (Don Diablo Remix)" - Frankmusik

Finally, with the first Phish show of the summer less than a week away, I'll throw up a video related to the band. Lead guitarist Trey Anastasio played a concert with the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra just a couple days ago. On a separate blog I wrote about how I love it when classical music is incorporated into the modern day scene. Well here is a perfect example. Here's an exerpt from an instrumental Phish song called "First Tube", performed by Trey and the Orchestra:

Kobe Sizzles

2009-05-22T14:51:00.000-04:00

The L.A. Lakers are lucky to be even with the Denver Nugs. The Nuggets are simply a tougher team. The NBA playoffs are not for the meek. The problem with the Lakers is that their three toughest players are Kobe, Fisher, and Ariza--guards and a small forward. Pau Gasol is a soft ass mug, Bynum is a pussy, and Vujacic should go back to Serbia. The Lakers still could win this series because, as much as it pains me, Kobe is a ruthless scorer. My point is this: if the Lakers and Nuggets got into a no holds barred street fight, who would you take to win? The Nuggets would simply kick the daylights out of the Lakers. Gasol and Bynum would go crying to their mama's when K-Mart and Nenay drop the hammer. Melo would F Kobe's S up, and Billups would smack the shit out of DFish. The Nuggets are a throwback team. They don't mess around, they believe in themselves, and they know they can beat the Lakers. Stayin with my original pick, dank Nugs in 6, baby baby.

Remember when Bono didn't take the world's biggest shit?

Be patient, it's tight.

Join Team Stormy!

2009-05-21T21:52:00.000-04:00

Although this forum won't be used as a platform for political debate or discussion, one cannot help but notice the serious dearth of viable politicians in our country. Britain is undergoing scandals of their own with their MP's abusing their expenses that the state allows them to use in order to help "sustain their lifestyle" in their district and in London.

First we had Jesse Ventura as Governor of Minnesota. For those of you who did not follow wrestling - myself included - he is co-holder of the tag team title of WWE.

Now we have Arnold as Governor in California.

Soon enough we will have Al Franken as Senator out in Minnesota again.

Just today, Stormy Daniels announced she is running for the House of Representatives in Louisiana. Who is Stormy Daniels? Well, to put it politely, she is an "adult film actress." I have never seen her movies, but if you want a review, I encourage you to ask Larry Frathard for a 3 page dissertation.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1317917/

The "actress" was quoted as saying: "I do not take this step lightly.... I have been humbled by the overwhelmingly positive response my potential candidacy has generated thus far..."

I think it's a fair prediction to say that for the 18-24 demographic group, Ms. Daniels will have an overwhelming majority of voters supporting her.

The question is who is next? Will it be Ms. California, the puppet of Donald Trump, whose constitutional rights were ever so violated when she lost out because of her stance on gay-marriage? Or will it be another comedian?

Hey, if Robin Williams can pull it off in "Man of the Year" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0483726/) or Chris Rock in "Head of State" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Head_of_State_(film)) why can't anyone? This is America where anything is possible isn't it?

Here's the first blog to support Ms. Daniels run for office! And for all of those who have aspirations to enter politics, may God bless you.

For more information visit http://teamstormy.com/

Tune In, Turn On, Drop Out

2009-05-21T14:14:00.000-04:00

Timothy Leary's famous quotation about the LSD movement describes a way of life. It describes a way towards enlightenment. Leary himself described the process as opening your mind to levels of higher consciousness, interacting with the world in relation to those levels of consciousness, and then freeing yourself of the unnecessary burdens of the world. While Leary certainly used acid to do this (and rightfully so), another extremely important aspect to achieving this state of mind is music. Present throughout all of human history, music has played an integral role in all aspects of culture. It enhances the senses and can provoke all sorts of emotions. In relation to this motto, I'll start with a song closely associated with El Duderino. As we all know, CCR was just as important to Jeffrey Lebowski as bowling, roaches, and Tara Reid. "Susie Q" is my favorite CCR song and here's a link to it, along with a couple other nice classic rock songs.

"Susie Q" - CCR (right click and save link as)

Next, I'll throw in some electro remixes of some N.A.S.A. songs which will certainly expand your mind into outer-space. I highly recommend the "Gifted (Steve Aoki remix)" but they're all extra lush.

N.A.S.A. (right click and save link as)

For the final downloads of the day, I'll allow you to venture in to the world of Phish. Better than any band since the Grateful Dead at transferring your mind into another world, Phish knows how to bend your mind in every which way. This blog provides some links to some songs from their New Years show at MSG in '98. They opened the show with the fitting Prince cover "1999". If you're not that into Phish but want to hear something familiar, go with this extra funky version of this party song.

Phish - MSG 12.31.98 (right click and save link as)

I'll leave you with a video of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" from the Concert for Bangladesh. Held at MSG in '71, George Harrison got together a bunch of amazing musicians to raise money for refugees in Bangladesh. Guys who played at the show include Harrison, Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, Ravi Shankar (amazing Bengali Indian sitar player), Ringo Starr, and Billy Preston. You can buy a DVD of the entire concert and I'd certainly recommend it, if only to check out Shankar ripping up some Indian music on the sitar. This video's pretty dope and it features Clapton gently weeping away on a baller blues guitar.

The Biggest Douches in the Sports Universe

2009-05-21T13:54:00.001-04:00

Oh how the mighty have fallen. This has got to be one of the more ironic Sportscenter commercials of all time. It wouldn't take too much urging to get these two to admit they are the man nowadays. And they certainly could have listened better to Ravech and Scott on how to deal with the media. I happen to like Keyshawn Johnson and think he's a great sportscaster, but there's no denying that he's a douche. Kobe, aka the "Black Mamba" aka the "Butt Blaster" is, on the other hand, a certifiable douche. In fact, he's a Giant Douche. Keyshawn is now infamous for being paid to not show up when he was on the Bucs, and has always been a controversial figure in the media. Kobe is famous for, well, selling out his teammates, being extremely bitter, his butt-only rule for white girls, and for his new, scintillating documentary (in which yes, he acts like a douche).

Aint Nothin But A G Thang

2009-05-21T13:10:00.000-04:00

Quentin Tarantino's newest film Inglorious Basterds debuted at the Cannes Film Festival last week to mixed reviews. Tarantino's name got me thinking about one of my favorite gangsta-ish movies that few people know about (along with a few other lesser-known gems).

1. True Romance by Tarantino: This movie is the tits. While only the second film that the legendary director wrote, it may very well be his best. The cast is simply absurd, but I'll let the trailer do the talking. Before you go shell out 10 bucks to see this new flick, scope this ish out (it's definitely better). Oh, and yea, Christopher Walken is in it...

2. Miller's Crossing by the Coen Broskis: This is the Coen Brews 3rd film, and arguably one of their best. This film is some straight up gangster shit, prohibition-style, and includes stalwarts John Turturro (plays a Joo!) and Steve Buscemi. There's also a truly fine bidday in it. Definitely worth checking this dankness out.

3. Triad Election by Johnnie To: There may be a lot of subtitles and small phalluses in the film, but it makes Saw look like an episode of the Teletubbies. This is essentially the Asian Godfather. Aside from the gore, the film is legitimately good. Be warned: you're Asian fever will be tested. So if you're not too stoned to read subtitles, and you like seeing some bloodshed, peak this.

If you don't like gangster flicks, well, I don't like you. These films are all the bdc.

Mission Statement: The Man in Us

2009-05-20T23:48:00.000-04:00

If you're not down with the Dude, well then quite frankly, we're not down with you. The Big Lebowski is the bomb dot com (which will hereafter be referred to as bdc). No, this blog has nothing to do with the film, but if you like the Dude, CCR, White Russians, Bowling, or Js, then you just might like this blog. Quite frankly, if you don't like the Big Lebowski, you should probably re-evaluate your life. The Dude is an inspiring man, and he has inspired many a man to appreciate life. Our blog, like the film, indulges you with the finest aspects of life: music, sports, and film. So if you like fresh tunes, wet jumpshots, and dope flicks, this blog just might be for you. Enjoy our opinions, suggestions, and sweet links--sit back, relax, and enjoy all that keeps it real.